The Price to Pay

by Alys Abruzzo

 

There was a gentle knock on the door.

I ignored it, feeling sorry for myself wasn't the mood to be interested in someone knocking on the door. I lay on my back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. I noticed that there was the slightest hairline crack in the ceiling plaster. I stared at it trying to resolve its randomness into something with form and pattern.

There was another, slightly harder knock.

I still ignored it, hoping that whoever was there would go away.

There was a series of knocks and then an unexpected voice.

"Celyn are you awake? I have something for you", spoke Sion quietly.

There was a pause as I considered whether to respond.

"It's really nice, well worth having, you left without receiving it"

"What is it?" I asked.

"If you let me in I can show you", was his riposte.

"OK then", I reluctantly agreed and stood up to unlock the door.

Sion walked in and sat in my armchair near the window he had showered and changed and looked and smelled good, unlike me who was still in sweaty cricket kit.

"Wow, your room looks a lot different to the last time I was here", he said as he took in the pastel shades in the decorations and furniture. "I understand now why we have always met at my place or downstairs for the last year or so"

I shrugged my shoulders. "It was the easy thing to do, you would have found it all a bit strange before yesterday"

"I am still finding it difficult to understand the whole thing to be honest. I mean, yesterday evening and then today at the cricket, it's almost like you're two completely separate people apart from the gender difference"

I could sense that he wanted to have a further discussion about my various issues but there is only so much trauma that I could take in a day.

"Anyway this thing you have for me, what is it?" I asked to change the subject.

He looked at me, in surprise, for a moment and then reached into the pocket of his denim jacket and took out a small box and a folded envelope.

"What are they?"

"Open them and see", said Sion.

I opened the box and took out the small statuette inside, a bronze figurine taking a shot with a cricket bat. Underneath was an inscription -'Youth Player of the Season - Celyn Morus'. I felt a strange mixture of emotions, mostly pride at my achievement but also a little sadness; I felt a tear begin to form in my eye. I looked at Sion, open mouthed. He smiled and pointed at the envelope. I opened it, not knowing what to expect, inside were two pieces of card. I pulled them out and read them, 'Lord's Cricket Ground, One Day International, India v West Indies, August 14, Private Box 6'. The annual club trip!

Sion and I plunged into animated conversations about the trip and the best players of the respective sides as I forgot about my dejection of earlier. Our conversation soon turned to the exciting moments of that afternoon's game and he had me in tears of laughter describing some of the other players' comments on my 'catch in the goolies', as one of them had described it. Before we knew it an hour had passed and my mother was at my bedroom door telling me it was time to get ready for the evening. Sion reminded me of our planned cycle up to Brecon and promised to meet me at 9.

An hour and a half later, a lot of it spent with me disagreeing with my Mother about what to wear and with my Dad trying to smooth things and at the same time hurry us up, we exited our driveway for the short trip to the Tamarind, the best Indian restaurant in the whole of South East Wales. In the end I had compromised and had worn the skimpy dress that she had bought for me without a bra underneath as she had insisted was necessary for the 'look', but I was wearing a thin cardigan on top. My Mother, who still was a very attractive woman in her early forties, looked very smart in her above the knee skirt and blouse and matching jacket. My Father, who was a year older than my Mother, looked smart and handsome in his loose shirt and jacket.

We were sat at our table, in a secluded corner and spent an enjoyable few minutes trying to decide which of the impressive array of delicious items on the menu to choose. The drinks came. My Dad held up his red wine.

"Here's to you then Celyn, let's hope your hard work is rewarded when the results come"

"Yes well done on all your efforts and everything else, honey, we are really proud of you", added my Mother.

"To the future, whatever it may bring, to all of us", was my toast.

We all clinked glasses, their red wines and my lime and soda.

The conversation flowed with the drinks as we discussed my future college courses, their internet business, my sister's university exploits, well at least the ones we knew about. The food came and soon I was really enjoying the conviviality of the whole evening. The restaurant filled up. I began to feel a little hot. I took off my cardigan and carefully arranged it on the back of the chair, I was so glad to feel some cooler air on my skin although my low cut, strappy dress didn't leave a lot to the imagination and I felt somewhat exposed. I turned back to continue talking to my parents and then I noticed that my father's gaze seemed to have shifted. He no longer had eye contact with either my mum or me. With a shock I suddenly realised what had caught his attention.

"Dad you're staring at my boobs!" I said quite a bit louder than I had intended. I saw some heads at nearby tables turn towards us.

My Dad went traffic light red in embarrassment.

"I'm really sorry son................um I mean Celyn", he struggled with the words. "Sometimes it's hard to get used to, you know, all these changes"

"You could try daughter or honey, Gareth", admonished my mother

"Yes I know", he replied, "I really am trying my best"

After that little exchange things went a bit flat and the rest of the meal was mostly low key chit chat between my parents. I answered a few questions put directly to me but mostly I ate in silence and pondered my parents differing viewpoints. On the one hand my Father had difficulty accepting the changes while my Mother had embraced it all with almost a passion. One seemed to feel that he had lost a son while the other was pleased to have gained a daughter.

We paid the bill and walked to the car.

"I am so looking forward to the holiday", said my Mother. "It's going to be so nice being away from the pressures of work and it will be fun to spend some time together. Don't worry Celyn you won't be forced to be with adults all the time."

"Why is that Mum?" I asked.

"Didn't your Mum tell you", said my Dad.

"Tell me what?" I asked.

"Sorry it slipped my mind honey", she replied. "We are sharing the villa in Cyprus with the Jones's from the Swansea branch, they are bringing their son, Carwyn, he's 17, so you two can spend time together"

"Why is he coming, why do I want to spend time with a strange boy, when I will be a girl for the whole time?"

"Honey we just want you to broaden your experiences as a girl before you face the big wide world. It will be good experience for you in a safe environment. You two will be able to go places together" she said sweetly

"I don't need a bloody boyfriend!", I screamed at my mother. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Don't talk to your mother like that, Celyn!", commanded my father, "Come on Haf it's time to get in the car and go home", he said to my mother.

"You need to face up to reality now", said my mother, a little more tetchily, "you are a beautiful girl and when you go to college you will have to deal with the attention from boys that you will get"

I looked at her and almost spat out the words.

"Maybe I will be a lesbian then! That will deal with it"

I turned away from their shocked faces and started walking home.

  

  

  

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