Rescued by the Savior

by Dave Hicks

 

1

 

This is my secret diary but I can’t write very well anymore. I can’t concentrate on the words I’m trying to put on page. Some of the bigger words I wrote before, I don’t know the meaning of anymore. Judith doesn’t know I’ve got this diary because I hide it from her. I don’t know what day it is, so I don’t put down the days, when I write in this diary.

I don’t know for how long I’ve lived with Judith. It must be a long time, because I’m pretty sure I wasn’t like I am now - when came to live with her. I can’t be sure anymore. She injects me with stuff, to make me forget who I used to be. I know this is true, because I write things down and read about it later. I don’t tell her about that.

"This is a wonderful drug," she smiled. "It selectively destroys different parts of your mind - so you forget the things I want you to."

"Why do you do that to me?" I asked.

"Because," she explained patiently, "I want you to be very placid, obedient and simpleminded - but without you becoming a complete idiot. It’s so easy to go too far with this particular drug - then you’d just be another zombie."

I look after the house. I do the cleaning and the cooking. I’m good at cooking. Judith gives me women’s magazines to read. I don’t understand very much of what’s in them, but I can make sense of the recipes. I like the pictures of all the food. I think that’s good. I’m going to be a good cook one day. Judith says I’m going to be a good cook.

She injected me with something that makes me fat and gave me big, heavy breasts. They get in the way of everything I do and they weigh a lot. Judith said she wants me like that. She tells me which clothes I have to wear each day. I have to wear a bra and a girdle. I don’t like the girdle much.

I know she did something between my legs a while ago, because it was sore for a long time afterwards. I look different to the way Judith looks down there. She has a vagina but I don’t have anything at all. I just have a little hole for me to wee out of. Judith says she doesn’t want me to have anything between my legs - that’s why she got rid of it.

I don’t remember what I looked like before. I think I was a man but I can’t be sure. I didn’t write that bit down in my secret diary but I think I was but I don’t know why. I wish I had written it down, because if I had - I’d know now, but I don’t. I don’t remember what my genitals looked like. I only remember the pain.

"Was I a man, when I came here?" I asked her.

"Don’t you remember?" she asked in return.

"No."

"That’s just as well then, isn’t it?" she smiled. "I don’t want you to remember. If you did, I’d have to destroy even more of your mind and I don’t really want to do that too often. I don’t want to make you too simpleminded. Just enough so you can’t think for yourself is fine. Too much and I’d have to get rid of you."

I didn’t understand her answer. There’s so many things I don’t understand anymore.

I tried to watch TV but it just doesn’t make any sense to me. There was too many people talking all the time. I got a headache each time, when I tried to watch TV, so I don’t do that anymore. Judith said TV is bad for me, but I used to try and watch it when she wasn’t around.

"This will make you very placid and obedient," she said to me, when she gave me the injections. "The other injections will make you fat and give you big breasts."

"Do I have to be placid and obedient?" I asked her.

"Of course you do," she replied. "I want you to look after the house for me. I want you to think that’s all there is for you in life. And pleasing me of course. You must do whatever I want you to do."

One day, two religious people came to the front door, when Judith wasn’t home. I’m not allowed to let anyone inside the house. They wanted to know if I believed in the Savior. They had books with them with a picture of the Savior. I asked them if they were religious people and they said they were. I told them I didn’t know anything about the Savior - I only live in the house with Judith. Judith said; I wasn’t to go outside. And I wasn’t to open the door or let anyone inside - when she wasn’t home. They didn’t stay very long. Perhaps they thought I wasn’t very good at understanding what they were talking about. The man religious person kept looking at my big breasts, all the time. It made me feel uncomfortable.

"Why did he look at my breasts like that?" I asked Judith.

She laughed at me and I felt stupid.

"He probably doesn’t get to see a pair like yours, very often," she replied.

Maybe I said a joke or something funny - I don’t know.

 

2

 

I’m writing in my diary again.

Sometimes, Judith has friends visit for dinner. I must wear a corset, when they come. And a uniform. It’s black and has a white apron. I have to wear very tall shoes too. It takes a few days for the glue to let go, so I can wear normal shoes again. It’s very difficult for me to walk properly, while they’re stuck to my feet. I feel like I’m going to fall over, all the time.

If I do something wrong, Judith punishes me. I hate it when she punishes me. It hurts so much. I always cry when she punishes me.

The last time she punished me was when she had friends for dinner. I dropped a plate on the floor. I knew she was angry and was going to punish me later. I was afraid.

She made me get undressed in front of them and fastened the punishment belt around my waist. She buckled my wrists to the belt with the straps, so I can’t move my hands or undo the belt. Then she clipped the punishment box to the belt and attached the wires to the rings through my nipples. It hurt very much. It always does. My nipples are always very sore afterwards and they don’t go down anymore.

 

3

 

I don’t know what’s been happening again. The religious people came to talk to Judith. The woman was nice to me and told me to get some underwear and clothes from my bedroom. She helped me pack my bag. I hid my secret diary among my clothes in the bottom of the bag, so no one can find it.

I don’t know why the religious people, would say they’re police officers this time. Perhaps they’re allowed to have more than one job. I didn’t tell Judith I’d seen them before. They took Judith and me, in the back of a police car, to a police station. Judith had to wear handcuffs but I didn’t.

I sat in an office with the policewoman while she talked to me.

"My name is Alice," she said to me. "Do you think you’ll be able to remember my name?"

I nodded, because Alice is a nice name. She and the man know the Savior. That must make them special people.

"Can you remember who you are?" Alice asked me.

I shook my head.

"There’s a person coming to see you soon," Alice told me. "Her name is Sonya. She’s a social worker and works for the government - like I do. She’s going to take you to a nice place, where you’ll be safe."

"Does she work for the Savior too?" I asked.

"I don’t think so," Alice smiled. "Where’s Judith?" I inquired. "What have you done with her? Will she be going with me."

"Judith won’t be going anywhere," Alice answered. "She’s been charged with many offenses. We’re holding her in custody."

"I want to be with Judith," I told her.

"You must try not to be upset," Alice said sympathetically. "When Sonya comes, she’ll explain everything to you."

I nodded but I don’t understand what she means. Perhaps Sonya is a religious person too.

 

4

 

Sonya was a nice lady. She and Alice knew each other. I could tell they’re friends, because they smiled at each other. Maybe Sonya knew the Savior after all.

"Would you like to come with me?" Sonya asked me.

We rode in her car for a while, out of the city, to a big house with a lake and ducks. I told Sonya I like ducks. We had to go through big set of iron gates to get to the house.

"They’ve got lots of ducks here," Sonya smiled.

"That’s good," I told her.

After we got out of the car, I carried my bag into the house behind Sonya. I don’t want to let go of my bag because my diary is in it. Sonya introduced me to an older woman called Daphne. Daphne showed me to my room. It was a nice room and I could see the lake and the ducks from my window. She told me it’s my room because it has a blue door. My color was blue. All the other doors near mine had different colors.

"Just remember your color is blue," Daphne explained, "then you won’t get lost. Do you like blue?"

"I do like blue," I told her.

I thought it was a very clever idea, to paint the doors all different colors. Blue is like the sky.

 

5

 

I’d lost my pen, so I borrowed one from a nurse to write this.

Daphne is nice and she took me to the dining room to have something to eat. There were other people there too. Some of the people wore white uniforms - so they must’ve been nurses and doctors.

After I’d eaten, Daphne took me to see the doctor.

"Hello David," the doctor said to me. "I’m Claire and I’d like to have a look at you. Do you mind?"

I shook my head.

"Okay," she smiled. "If you’d like to take your clothes off, I’ll examine you. You mustn’t worry because Daphne will be here with you the whole time."

She looked at me and used things to test me with. I didn’t know what they were.

"Are you a religious person?" I asked her. "Do you work for the Savior too?"

"Oh no," she smiled.

"What about Daphne?" I asked.

"I don’t think so," Claire replied. "You’d have to ask her about that."

I figured, maybe only Alice and the man work for the Savior.

 

6

 

Daphne took me outside and I sat with some other people in the garden. They didn’t say anything to me. They stared a lot. They’ve all had big breasts like I have.

"I have to leave you for a little while," Daphne said to me. "If you get anxious, just go inside and talk to a nurse. She’ll be able to help you. Nurses are people in the white uniforms."

I sat and watched the lake. There were ducks on the lake. The other women didn’t talk to me - they just sat there. I didn’t know what to say to them - so I didn’t say anything either. I thought I must’ve sat there a long time, because later a nurse told me it will be time for tea soon. Some other nurses helped the other women out of their chairs and into the house. I knew where the dining room was, so I didn’t need a nurse to show me.

After I’d had tea, Daphne told me, a few people would like to talk to me. We went to a room with a big wooden table and a lot of chairs around it. There were nice pictures on the walls. Daphne told me where to sit. Alice, the religious policewoman, was there. I said hello to her.

"Do you understand why you’re here?" Alice asked me

I said I didn’t know. All I knew was; everyone has been nice to me and the people out in the garden wouldn’t talk to me at all, so I watched the ducks.

"My examination shows she has selective brain damage - like all the others," Claire the doctor, told Alice. "I doubt there’s anything we can do about it. We can’t change what’s been done to her body. Most of it’s a form of molded, diffused silicone. Bio-plast to be exact - very expensive and impossible to remove."

"But she doesn’t appear as bad as some of them you have," said Alice.

"That’s true," Claire replied. "Daphne - what do you think you can do for her."

"I feel there’s some hope, this time," Daphne told her. "She responds well to certain stimuli."

"The thing I need to know," said Alice. "Is there enough of her brain left, for her to testify in a court of law, against the people who did this to her and the others?"

I didn’t know what they were talking about.

"Can you tell us what happened to you?" Daphne said to me.

"I don’t remember anything," I replied, shaking my head. "I do remember being punished for being bad."

"Damn," said Alice. "It’s the same each time."

I like Alice. She was nice to me.

"I have a diary," I told her. "I wrote everything down."

"What!" Alice cried in amazement.

"Shall I get it to show you?" I asked her. "It’s in my bag."

Alice looked questioningly at Daphne.

"You go and get it," smiled Daphne, patting my hand.

 

7

 

I went to my room with the blue door and got my diary from the bottom of my bag. I took it back to Alice and the others. Alice took the diary from me and started reading it quickly.

"Well I’ll be damned," she said, with a grin. "This is perfect. It’s all here. This is just the break we’ve being praying for. There’s enough in here, to hang the lot of them."

"I want my diary back," I told her. "It belongs to me."

"Alice will give it back to you," Daphne assured me. "As soon as she’s finished reading it."

Alice rose from the table.

"I need the photocopier, in your office," she said, as she left the room.

While she was gone, Daphne talked to me. I like Daphne too.

"And what would you like to do, while you’re here?" Daphne asked me.

"I want to do some cooking," I told her. "I’m getting good at cooking."

"I’m sure we’ll be able to arrange that," she smiled.

"Does Alice like reading my diary?" I asked her.

"Oh very much," Daphne laughed. "Very much indeed."

"Maybe Alice will show it to the Savior she works for," I said to her.

"I sure she will."

 

 

 

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© 2002 by Dave Hicks. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.