The Scholarship

by

Julie O.

 

Chapter Two-Hundred-Five

Work was a lot of fun. Mel was so excited about being engaged. She kept looking at her ring, even when we weren't looking! Cindy made sure that we actually worked and didn't just talk to each other. It was hard to concentrate on folding blouses when it was so nice outside.

Cindy came over and asked me why I was so sluggish today. "You're usually a much better worker," she remarked

"I'm sorry, I guess that I just feel so free and relaxed now that the Rev is gone."

"That's understandable, but I still need you to focus," she stated with a smile.

I made an effort to work harder for the rest of the day. The last thing I wanted to do was appear ungrateful to my co-workers!

Laura came in near closing time and asked me if I needed a ride home.

"Sure, but tomorrow I'll have my car! And then I can start driving you around."

"Just as long as I can still take you for a ride every now and then," quipped Laura with a sly smile on her face.

After work, Laura said she had something to show me. We drove over to the community center. This was a large athletic complex just outside of town. They had ball fields and basketball courts. Laura drove me there to show me that the pool was now open.

"So?" I asked.

"Well, this is the best summertime hangout spot in town. We get in free this summer because we are graduating seniors," she explained.

"I don't have a bathing suit," I replied, hoping to change the conversation.

"We'll go shopping for one this week. I really want to see you in a bikini," smiled Laura.

I started to laugh, and then I realized that she was serious. "No way!"

"Come on, I've been checking out a few that would look great on you."

"I'm sure you have!" I replied. Laura had a wicked smile on her face. "But there are some concealment issues we need to consider."

"I've though of that and I have a solution." We turned around in the parking lot and headed back towards town.

"Want to share them with me?" I asked.

"Well, you were able to conceal yourself pretty well during cross-country, and those shorts were pretty tight," she stated.

"That's true, but the shorts also concealed my gaff, and I doubt that a bikini bottom will do that." I was having an argument that would have seemed impossible a year earlier!

"Yes, I know, but I talked to a seamstress and she says that she can sew a gaff in so that it looks like part of the suit," said Laura. She was smiling triumphantly.

"Okay, so what about the top? I'm growing, but I'd still look rather flat chested."

"I've got that solved too. The seamstress says there are two options. The first one is that we can have pockets built into the top so you can slide your boob pads in. I've checked and, yes your pads are safe to wear in a pool. The second option is to sew in pads so your top will act like a push-up bra," she explained

"This sounds too expensive, I need to save up for school and then there is the car."

"Bad excuses, you are about to win a full scholarship in less than three weeks. Your car is paid off, you told me that this morning."

I sat there and looked over at Laura. The smile on her face was huge.

"Shit! Okay stop gloating. You win. So how long will this take to make?" I asked. I was trying to imagine how I'd look in a bikini.

"I'll be taking you there Tuesday, and you'll have it by Friday. Which is good, because our senior picnic is going to be held at the pool the next Friday. I want to get you out and work on your tan before the picnic."

"You're lucky I love you so much," I replied

"There's one other thing, I made an appointment for you to get a bikini waxing at the salon," added Laura.

"Ohhh, that sounds like fun," I exclaimed sarcastically.

Laura described the procedure and assured me that it wasn't as bad as it sounded.

"You'll thank me when you see how hot you look." smiled Laura. She then licked her lips with her tongue.

"You're so bad!" I said, and we both started laughing.

 

Chapter Two-Hundred-Six

Laura stayed for dinner. She loved fresh trout. I had to admit it was pretty good. Marlene brought over a tape of the TV coverage of the rally and the Rev's arrest. We watched my interview several times. Laura said that I looked pretty cute. We also watched Sam's interview a few times. I noticed that look of satisfaction when he talked about the arrest of the Rev and his group. Sam said that it was a fringe benefit of the job and that it made all the hard work worthwhile. I could see why Cat wanted to go into law enforcement.

After the "DA & Daughter Show," as Mom called it, Laura suggested that she and I go down to Spencer's. Mom didn't mind, but told me not to be out too late. I appreciated her concern, even if I didn't show it. I said good night to Marlene and we left.

"So, you get the car tomorrow?" asked Laura as we drove over to Spencer's.

"Yes. We're going to get it right after the bush planting. You are coming over for that?" I asked.

"I never miss a ceremonial bush planting," stated Laura with a laugh. "What time?"

"By tradition it's supposed to be done around 9:00AM. It'll be nice to see something growing there." I paused for a second and was suddenly awash in memories of that horrible night.

There was a long silence after that.

We found a parking spot only a block away from Spencer's and walked in. The guy behind the counter recognized me and gave me my cappuccino and pie on the house. I appreciated it and I tried to shake off the memories. We sat down in our usual spot on the couch.

"You want to talk about it?" asked Laura.

"Is it that obvious?" I replied softly.

"I'm not Sherlock Cat, but I can tell when something is bothering you," stated Laura. She put her hand on my shoulder.

"I was just thinking about the night of the attack. It's no big deal."

"Bullshit!" exclaimed Laura "It's a big deal. I saw how quiet you got in the car. Let it out."

I smiled. "Nice bedside manner." I was actually grateful that Laura pressed me to talk about it. It was reassuring that she cared so much about me.

"Hey, I want to go into politics, not therapy," replied Laura. "Seriously, tell me what's on your mind."

"I'll be glad when the bush is planted and that ground is exorcised of the evil that occurred there," I answered very softly.

I took a drink from my cappuccino.

"You know what happened, so I don't need to replay that, but what I've never been able to fully express is the fear that I felt that night. I was so close to safety and yet I might as well have been on the other side of the world. I was praying that someone would see us and I was also terrorized by the idea if Mom or Cat or Terri came out that he'd hurt them too!" I began to feel very emotional and my voice wavered a little.

I took another sip of cappuccino. Laura looked at me. "I'm here for you."

"Thanks. It seemed he was on top of me for hours. Time really slowed down. I also thought about being killed there. I thought about the pain and shock to Mom and my friends if I was found dead there." I paused to wipe away some tears that were dripping down my face. It was a soft cry, sort of like a gentle spring rain.

Laura pulled me close to her. "Let it out." We hugged for a long time.

"Thanks. You're the first person other than Jenny and Mom that I've told about that."

"I'm honored. Don't worry, this will be just between us. But be sure to talk to Jenny about this."

"Thanks." I wiped away my tears. I could definitely tell that my emotional state was changing. I knew that Laura was right and I needed to tell Jenny about this incident.

"You okay now?" asked Laura.

"Yes, much better, thanks for listening," I took a small bite of my pie. "Sorry for being such a pain."

"You're not a pain." She pulled me close to her and we kissed.

We hung out at Spencer's for another hour or so before heading home.

"You going to be okay" asked Laura, as we pulled into the driveway.

"Yes, I think so," I replied. We kissed long and passionately. "I love you."

"I love you too. Call me if you have any problems."

"I will." I knew she was worried that I'd start having nightmares again. I didn't want to worry her, but I'd never really stopped having them, it was just that I was learning to live with them, thanks to Jenny. I kept my log and I was e-mailing Jenny about the really bad ones. The good thing was that they weren't as intense as the earlier ones, and I didn't wake up in a cold sweat from them.

We kissed again and I went inside. I actually felt good about my little outburst. I also was so in love with Laura. We had a goofy sort of relationship, but when it came down to the bottom line, I knew she'd be there 100 percent for me. Mom and Sam were still up and sitting out on the deck. I made a cup of tea and went out to join them. Yes, I know I drink a lot of caffeine but it really doesn't bother my ability to sleep. I also thought decaffeinated tea tasted awful.

I did tell them about my conversation with Laura. I was following Jenny's advice and being totally honest with Mom and Sam, and, yes, they knew about my nightmares. It was difficult at times being so honest and open with them about the attack, with them as I didn't want then to worry about me.

 

Chapter Two-Hundred-Seven

I had a pretty good night's sleep, no nightmares. I slept lightly but I think that was more due to the excitement of getting the car and the planting ceremony. I was also excited about the big party at Alex's barn.

The weather was warm and pleasant, and I dressed in a pair of shorts, a gray sleeveless t-shirt, and sport sandals.

I was surprised to see Sam and Mom up before me. They were reading the paper out on the deck. I went and joined them, after grabbing a glass of orange juice.

"Good morning," I greeted as I sat down. "You guys are up early."

"Well, we wanted to be up and awake for the planting," stated Mom. "I'm going to make some blueberry pancakes for breakfast."

"Are they going to be plate sized?" I asked.

Sam looked at me like I was nuts.

"I was just thinking about those," said Mom.

I turned to Sam. "There is a small restaurant back in San Diego called the Big Kitchen and they serve plate-sized pancakes. The blueberry ones are so full of blueberries that they pop out," I replied. "The funny thing is that it's in the Golden Hill section of San Diego."

"That sounds great!" stated Sam. "But aren't you exaggerating about the size?"

"Nope, she's telling the truth, Sam. They really are plate sized," agreed Mom.

Sam was still a bit skeptical. I said that if we ever got back out there we'd take him there.

The pancakes were good and it was a fitting meal before a bush planting ceremony.

Cat, Laura, and Terri all arrived around 9:00 and we started to dig the hole. I was pleasantly surprised to see Jenny pull in the driveway with Coach.

"Who else did you invite?" I asked Mom.

"Just a few others," she answered.

"It's very nice looking, where did you buy it?" asked Jenny, as she looked at the plant.

"I bought it from Roger the Shrubber," said Sam with a straight face, "He designs, arranges, and sells shrubberies."

Everyone broke out laughing except Mom and Terri. They obviously weren't fans of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. My opinion of Sam just skyrocketed upward!

"Ni!" I said. That caused more laughter and more strange looks from Mom and Terri. I'd tried to get Mom to watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail a few times, but she just thought it was stupid.

Sam explained that the bush was a Compact European cranberry bush viburnum and it was just starting to bloom. There were small clusters of white flowerets, arranged in a pinwheel pattern. He said that the scent would be spicy-sweet and it would produce clusters of translucent bright red berries. The leaves would turn purplish-red in the fall and eventually it could grow to be six feet tall and equally wide!

"I'm impressed, Dad. I didn't know you were a plant expert," I remarked.

"I'm not. I just have a good memory," replied Sam with a smile. "Roger taught me all I ever needed to know about shrubbery."

Within the next fifteen minutes, Paul, Caroline, Marlene and Ms. B all joined us. Mom said that looked like everyone. I suddenly remembered something and ran back into the house for a second. There was something that I wanted to bury in the hole.

When I came back down we started the ceremony. I'm not sure if there are rules for something like this, so we just made them up as we went along. Basically we all stood around the hole and each person got to say something if they wanted to. I got to go first. "I hope that this plant serves as a refuge for birds and animals and it cleans the land," I said. I felt myself choking up a bit. I would have said more, but I didn't want to break down. I guess my hormones were extra active that morning.

That seemed to be the sentiment as each person spoke. Just before we put the bush in the hole, I tossed in my hospital wristband from the night I was attacked. No one said a thing, but I got a lot of smiles. The bush was set down in the hole and we filled in the dirt gently around it. I got down on my knees and scooped dirt into the hole. I was joined by Laura, Cat and everyone else for that matter! I pulled out the hose and I watered it. The ceremony was over in a few minutes, and Mom brought out some sparkling cider to toast the event. It would have been cooler to use real champagne but I was still just seventeen.

It was a pleasant little ceremony, and I really felt that we were healing the earth. I also felt that I was healed somewhat myself. We went back to the deck to talk and continue the celebration. Jenny said that it had been a great idea and that she would suggest it to others in a similar circumstance. She said that it was nice that it cleansed the area of the crime that had occurred.

 

Chapter Two-Hundred-Eight

Most people left within the hour, as they had to get ready for the barbecue over at Alex's house. I thanked them all for showing up. Soon the only guests left were Cat, Terri, and Laura. Terri and Mom went into the kitchen to finish making their food for the picnic.

Sam looked at me and smiled. "I suppose you want to get your car, or would you rather wait until next weekend?" he said.

"You've got to be kidding!" I exclaimed. "Lets go!"

Cat and Laura joined us as we drove out to the State Police Barracks. We met the trooper and he took us back to get the car.

"Nice car," noted Cat, "but I thought you said it was a sedan, I only see two doors. I think that makes it a coupe." She was standing there smiling at me

"Yes, Sherlock, I know. I've been corrected many times for that mistake," I grumbled, in mock anger.

"Well, if you want to be a teacher, then you need to be accurate."

"Keep that up and I won't give you a ride!" I said as I started to laugh.

Cat made a face like her feelings were hurt for a second. Then she joined me in laughing.

Laura then piped in, "What difference does it make what it's called? I think it's a nice car!"

Cat just shook her head in disgust at us.

We finished the paper work and it was time to drive home. Sam said for me to follow him home. Cat climbed in the back and Laura sat in the passenger seat. It drove very nicely. I was very attentive to my driving especially because I wasn't used to the car yet. I wanted to drive around some more but I kept my promise and followed Sam back to the house.

"So how does it ride?' asked Sam as we walked back into the house.

"Really nice!"

"By the way just because I'm the DA doesn't mean that you get out of tickets, so watch your speed," he explained.

"Yes, Dad!" I replied.

Sam walked inside and then I heard Cat and Laura speak in unison, "Yes, Dad!" with heavy sarcastic overtones.

"Hey, you know that I don't have a lot of experience in this area," I replied with a laugh. We then went inside.

 

Chapter Two-Hundred-Nine

Mom and Sam agreed that I could drive it over to Alex's house, but that they wanted me to take it easy.

We loaded up some of the stuff in the car and headed over to Alex's house. Mom, Sam, and Terri were driving over together.

As we drove over Cat, brought up the bikini topic. "I must say that I'm looking forward to seeing you in a bikini at the senior class party."

"That makes two of you," I smiled.

"Yes, but Laura's interest is strictly sexual, I just want to see how well you adjust to wearing a bathing suit in public," commented Cat.

"Hey! My interest isn't just sexual – well, maybe some of my interest is - but I'm concerned about her transition too," smiled Laura.

We were stopped at a light and we both looked at her in disbelief.

"Okay, I admit that I am very interested in seeing you in a bikini and that I know you'll look really hot," stated Laura.

"That's better," smiled Cat.

"I'm glad to see that girls can be as sexist as guys! I was afraid to say that I can't wait to see Laura in her bikini!" I quipped.

We all began to laugh.

I really was going to miss us hanging out all the time, and I was really going to miss Laura when she went off to State. We pulled into Alex's driveway, and were immediately surrounded by our friends. The guys were very interested in my car. They popped the hood and made a bunch of comments on the engine and other parts. Look, I had trouble distinguishing between a coupe and a sedan, so they might as well been speaking Greek. Okay, I wasn't that ignorant, but you get the general idea.

We took the food out of the trunk and delivered it to Alex's parents. They had put out quite a spread. It was nice spending a holiday with good friends. Alex said that he wanted to have a barbecue on July fourth and then continue it every year so we could get together as a group at least once a year. No one at the time thought he'd pull it off, but he did. In fact, it's still an annual event for our class. People come from all across the country for it.

The volleyball net was set up, and there was also an open area that could serve as the Frisbee football field. Alex told us that his parents originally wanted to put in a pool there, but they'd decided against it.

The crowd got bigger. It would take up too much space to list everyone who was there but just about every close friend from school was there. I got picked for a volleyball team by Alex, Kristen, Mike, and Alex's younger brother, Nick and we couldn't get off the court! We won four straight games, and we finally stepped off undefeated, as we wanted to eat.

Mike was convinced more that ever that I was their good luck charm. "You'd better come down for our games this fall!"

I sat down near Tracey as we ate. Tracey told me that Mike was very superstitious when it came to sports. She said that he had all sorts of rituals and that she'd given up trying to understand them.

"So, you don't mind him considering me their lucky charm?' I asked.

"At first I did. You know that it's taken me longer to warm up to you. Initially, I was downright resentful of you, especially when you got selected for homecoming. I thought your election made a mockery of the whole thing. I almost dropped out, but I went along with it because of Kristen. But now I know I was wrong, and I am very proud to be you friend," she stated

"I appreciate your honesty, and I'm proud to be your friend too."

"You've really won over a lot of people with the way you handled yourself this year, and I'm just not talking about the whole assault and trial thing. You really tried to just fit in. I think what really won me over was the fact that you didn't feel sorry for yourself. You could have easily used your misfortune to try and make people pity you, but you didn't. I don't think I could have been that brave," continued Tracey.

"Don't sell yourself short. Trust me, there were times that I really wanted to have everyone feel sorry for me. But something inside yourself makes you move on. The trick is to know when you are exceeding it. I found that out the hard way."

"I guess you did. We were really worried about you when you missed those two weeks of school," replied Tracey.

"Thanks. I hope that I don't have a repeat of that," I replied softly. It was always in the back of my mind that I might have another relapse. It still is.

We talked for a while longer. I was glad we cleared the air, I only wished we had done it earlier in the school year.

After I ate and rested a little I was drawn back onto the volleyball court. Alex reformed the team with one change, Cat replaced Kristen, who just wanted to watch and take pictures. We became a real juggernaut and beat one team after another. We even beat an all guy team formed by some of Alex's teammates. We surrendered the court after winning six straight games. With all the jumping around, I was definitely glad I'd wore a sports bra.

Cat noticed my discomfort and laughed. She came over and whispered, "Wait until they get bigger!"

Alex's father had dug a big fire pit and planned to light up a bonfire after dark. I had been to a few parties on the beach and we'd always had a fire after dark. I found sitting around a fire was very spiritual and was a tie to our ancient past. Of course, they didn't have marshmallows, but I'm sure they'd have eaten them if they had!

The crowd had thinned considerably by the time the fire was started. A couple of the guys brought out their guitars and tried to find some tunes that they both knew so they could play together. I was sitting on a blanket next to Cat and Laura. I can close my eyes today and I still can picture everyone's faces illuminated by the fire. Alex's dad borrowed one of the guitars and started playing. He was very good, and he played a whole bunch of songs from the sixties and seventies. Alex told us that his dad was a Dead Head and had once spent a whole year following the band around from concert to concert. That was a real surprise!

The party finally began to break up around ten. There was school in the morning and, as much as we resisted, it was time to go. I lingered a little to hug and thank Marlene again for all her help. She said that she'd keep in touch, but that she hoped that she'd never see me again in a professional manner. But if I ever needed help again, she told me not to hesitate to call.

We drove back to my house and unloaded the car. Laura kissed me and left for home. She said she'd pick us up in the morning as usual. I couldn't drive my car to school, as they wouldn't issue me a sticker this late in the school year. I didn't mind, as I loved riding with Cat and Laura.

Mom, Terri, and Sam arrived a few minutes later and Cat and I helped them unload their car. We said our goodnight and we started into the house. I did come back out one last time to look at the bush. It was surrounded by lightning bugs. I guess they were welcoming it to the neighborhood.

 

Chapter Two-Hundred-Ten

It was difficult to get excited about school. Everyone was so beat from our long weekend. I was sore from playing so much volleyball. There was also the added excitement that we had less than two weeks of classes before finals and then graduation.

The big thing that happened in school was our weekly meeting of the Fab Four. I was pleased to see everyone there. We ate our lunches while we waited for Ms. B to arrive.

"So, what do you think the last challenge will be?" I asked.

"Well, if it's standing up to a criminal religious zealot then we finished that one!" said Denise. We all laughed.

I remembered seeing Denise, but I hadn't seen Lisa there. It was no big deal. I didn't want to embarrass her, so I didn't ask if she had been there.

Ms. B walked in and asked how we were all doing. "As you know, you have exactly two weeks until graduation. Again I want to congratulate all of you for making it this far. I want to remind you that the contest doesn't end until after the graduation ceremony. However, that shouldn't be a big deal, as everyone will be wearing caps and gowns." We all laughed at her comments.

"I have a question, Ms. B. Which name will go on our diploma?" asked Denise.

"That's up to you. I have a form for all of you to fill out. It will include the name you want on your diploma and what name you wish to be called when you walk across the stage. Your parents or guardians will have to sign it and send it in by Friday."

This wasn't a big deal for Caroline and I. I still wondered who the third was?

"Now, I have one announcement. As you know, the senior party/picnic will be held next Friday at the pool at the athletic center. You'll be required to be in gender correct bathing suits. It's up to you if you want one piece or two piece, but it must be a women's bathing suit," she explained.

I thought about Laura and her appointment for me this evening to get my bikini made. I looked at Ms. B and she winked at me.

"Here is the card of a seamstress who can make you a suit that will hide what's necessary and enhance areas that need enhancing," smiled Ms. B. She handed us each a card.

I looked at Denise and Lisa as they got their cards. Neither one gave anything away.

"You will be required to attend the picnic. Of course, the usual excuses are still valid with notes from your parents or guardians. If you want to pull out of the competition, you will still get the lesser scholarship," announced Ms. B. "Erika, I will need to see you in my office after this meeting."

I walked out with Ms. B. "What's up?" I asked.

"I just wanted to give you the apologies of the two young men who vandalized your locker last week. I also have something to ask you, once we get in my office."

We entered her office and I sat down in the chair next to her desk. I thought how I'd miss coming in here. She handed me the two apologies and I read them. The first was the standard "I am so sorry and please forgive me" type that looked like a form letter. His letter was just begging for forgiveness without thinking about the reasons why his actions were wrong. The second one was more interesting. It was very different from the first one in that it was heartfelt and well written. His name was Kurt and he wrote about how stupid and insensitive he'd been. He said that he'd known who I was and what I'd gone through, and yet he still did it. Having time to think about it, he now knew how hateful his actions came across as being. He said that he deserved to be punished. He said he'd understand if I was still mad at him.

"Well, what do you think?" asked Ms. B.

"Too bad you can't force someone to enter the contest. They could use some sensitivity training. At least Kurt seems to realize why it was wrong, or maybe he's just a better writer."

"He's a good kid, just needs some focus."

"So what's the question you wanted to ask me?" I asked.

"Next week we'll be having our informational meeting for contestants for next years scholarship contest. I'd like you to be there to answer questions. I'm asking all of the Fab Four, and a few of those who didn't make it this far," she stated.

"Good! If I was the only one speaking, I'd scare them all off. So when is this meeting?" I asked.

"A week from today, right after school."

"Okay, but I have to leave by 4:30; Tuesday is my weekly meeting with Jenny," I said.

"We'll be done by then. Thank you in advance."

"So, how many have expressed an interest?" I asked.

"A little less than this year, but that was expected. So far twenty-four have signed up, but I expect it to go up a little," she said. "I've told them that each year is different and that the length of the contest will depend on the contestants themselves. We'll also be making some significant rule changes, some of which I can't disclose until Tuesday. However, starting next year we will have a female to male category."

"That's cool! Do you have any interest in it?"

"A few."

"When this is all over, I'd love to sit down with you and talk about this contest. I know that there is more here than meets the eye. I have many questions that need answers."

"I expected that, and you do deserve to know the answers. How about we meet for lunch on the Wednesday after graduation?"

"Could we make that dinner?" From what everyone has told me I won't be going to bed until daybreak."

She laughed. "Sure, that sounds good. Why not dinner at my place?" she suggested.

"That sounds wonderful!" Her invitation to dinner caught me off guard, but I accepted it immediately. When the bell interrupted our meeting, I was disappointed as I still had a few more questions, but I knew that I couldn't be late for my next class. "Well, I have to get to American Lit. Thank you so much, Ms. B. I'm really looking forward to our dinner!" I was also looking forward to the answers to many questions.

 

Chapter Two-Hundred-Eleven

My session with Jenny was very interesting. We spent a lot of time talking about my emotional changes. She told me that I needed to be aware of the effects of the hormones. We talked about how my emotional changes might affect my dealing with the stress from my assault. She agreed that having friends to talk about was very important.

"I have to admit that the thought of being without Cat and Laura close by is a bit frightening."

"Well, that's life and you'll need to make adjustments. But there's always e-mail and the phone. Remember that you're not breaking up as friends, even if you are separated."

"As you know, Laura and I are dating, and we're both worried about being separated."

"If you're asking me if everything will work out between you two, I can't answer that. You may stick together or you may drift apart; it's a part of life."

"I'm shocked! You don't have answers to everything," I replied, with a laugh.

"Don't linger on the negative aspect of graduation and separation. You've made many good friends at Central. When you go to college you need to socialize and make new friends. That's part of the joy in going to college! You don't have to give up your old friends. There is no limit to the friends you can have. I have friends that I haven't seen in years, yet we stay close by calls, letters, and e-mail. As for you and Laura, only time will tell."

I thought about what she said and it made sense. I'd have to strive to meet new people when I went to Dewey.

I also told her about my reaction with Laura at Spencer's Sunday night.

"One of the problems of dealing with a traumatic episode is that you will occasionally have that sort of emotional upheaval. I think you handled it very well by talking it out with Laura. Whatever you do, don't try to hold it in."

After the session, it was time to get fitted for my bikini. Laura drove me the shop and we walked in.

The seamstress was named Yvonne and she was very pleased to meet me. She was looking forward to helping me and the other contestants have a good fitting bathing suit.

"So, what kind do you want?" asked Yvonne.

Before I could answer Laura piped in. "Bikini!"

I looked over at her and she smiled back. "Sure why not?" I said.

"Well, let's get started," stated Yvonne. She explained that my options were limited due to the 'special design factors" she had to make in them. Still, she said that she had some nice suits that would look great on me.

She took my measurements, including my chest with and without my boob pads.

We looked at a few styles and I tried some on. Initially I felt close to being totally naked. I picked out two suits. One was green and the other was dark blue. She showed me how she was going adjust the suit so it would conceal my maleness. As for the tops, we went with one of each. The green one would have built-in pockets so I could slip in my boob pads, and for the blue top we went with the built-in push up pads.

I changed back into my street clothes. Yvonne said that the suits would be ready by Friday. She told me that I didn't have to pay until Friday and that she'd include my contestant discount.

We then decided to go over to Spencer's. Laura called up Cat and she asked us to pick her up at the police station, as she was finishing up her internship for the day. As sad as I was to think of us splitting up in a few months, I was excited for Cat's career. She really was getting into it. She loved to watch the cop dramas on TV and point out the mistakes to us.

Once we got Cat, we drove over to the college area and hunted down a parking spot. We ended up several blocks away, but it really didn't matter in nice weather. Winter, on the other hand, would have made our stroll very difficult.

"So, when do you get your bikinis?" asked Cat.

"Friday. Then I have to work up the courage to wear one out in public!"

Laura smiled. "That will be Saturday afternoon when we go to the pool!"

"Your girlfriend sure is pushy," smiled Cat.

"I know, good thing she's such a good kisser," I answered.

"You'll do fine, Erika. Besides you'll be with us and no one will dare mess with you!" added Cat.

I smiled. "Thanks, being with friends will really help!"

You know you can trust us, Erika, we'd never do anything to embarrass you. By the way, your appointment for your bikini waxing is tomorrow after school."

"Yes, dear!" I replied with a giggle. "So, are you joining us at the pool Saturday Cat?"

"Yes, I am. Matt will also be joining us. He finishes up school on Wednesday," explained Cat.

"Cool," replied Laura.

We reached Spencer's and walked in. I decided to shift away from cappuccinos for the summer. They added fruit smoothies for the summer crowd, so I had one of those instead. I also skipped the pie. Actually, that's not true, they were sold out and I didn't feel like anything else.

Cat and Laura stayed with cappuccinos. We took our normal seat on the couch. I told them about the latest challenge for the Four.

"Did Ms. B tip you off or something like that?" I asked Laura.

"No exactly. I overheard her talking to Marlene after the rally," she replied

"So you were eavesdropping! Gee, you're sneaky! But how did she catch you?"

Laura smiled. "When she saw me there, she told me all about the challenge and she gave me Yvonne's card."

"That's cool." I then told them about my upcoming dinner with her after graduation.

"That's great. Just remember everything she tells you so you can tell us on the trip to New York," stated Cat.

We then talked about the trip to NYC. It would be fun, but the more I read about Rhinoplasty, the more I was concerned. The surgery wasn't so much the concern, it was the recovery period. Dr. Ayres had said that I'd have to sit upright for 24-48 hours afterwards, and that I wouldn't be able to do anything active for a few weeks to a month afterwards. Laura said that I could use that time to work on my tan.

We cut it short at Spencer's as the effects of the weekend were hitting us. I planned on going to bed early that night after I talked to Sandra.

 

Chapter Two-Hundred-Twelve

Sam and I had had some leftover chicken for dinner. Mom was at her class over at Dewey.

"We said goodbye to the rest of the Rev's group today. The winner in the scumbag lottery was Virginia. They had over twelve warrants apiece on each of them," Sam reported

"So who got the Rev?" I asked.

"Texas," replied Sam, breaking out in a sly smile.

"Too bad," I said sarcastically.

"Oh, I got a call today and your name change will be legal this week. You should have the paperwork in hand by Friday."

"So that means I can go and get a new driver's license?" I asked. I thought about getting my license back in August. It was the last time that I had dressed as Eric, although I still looked like a girl in my photo, because of my hairstyle.

"Sure," said Sam.

I sat there with a big smile on my face. I felt a strong sense of satisfaction in knowing that I would legally be Erika soon, although there was a little bit of sadness over giving up my identity as Eric.

I told him about the diploma/graduation form and he said that he and Mom would fill it out and send it in. I got up and retrieved it out of my purse.

"What about the adoption papers?" I asked as I cleared away the plates.

"It's progressing. It just takes time," noted Sam.

"Regardless of what the courts say I want to change my last name to Warren. I already consider you my dad."

"You don't know how good it feels to hear that coming from you." I could tell he was really was moved emotionally. I walked over and gave him a big hug.

After dinner I called up Sandra and we talked for a few minutes. I wanted to ask her how she had dealt with the emotional issues and changes. She said that she didn't feel too much change, as she'd always been an emotional person. She said the biggest change was that she no longer had as big of a temper as when she was a guy. Sandra thought that since it was okay to show all her emotions, she didn't need her temper as an emotional relief valve.

I also talked to her about going to the pool and wearing my first bikini. She said that going with friends would help a lot. Her first time at a pool was by herself and she'd really felt nervous. She also said not to worry too much, as I'd look great in a bikini. She joked that athletic girls like me could get away with wearing something like that. She also reminded me that just because someone looked at me, that didn't mean they knew my true gender. She told me that I was an attractive young woman and I'd get looked at a lot by guys.

I felt that I could talk about anything with her. She was like an older sister. I mentioned this to her and she said that she was honored that I felt that way about her.

As I drifted off, I thought about the fact that in exactly two weeks I'd be graduating from high school. As usual I had mixed emotions about it. Part of me couldn't wait, and the rest of me wanted high school to go on forever, but that was silly, as all good things must come to an end.

 

Chapter Two-Hundred-Thirteen

Wednesday afternoon Laura, Cat, and I drove over to the salon. I was getting my legs waxed and also a bikini wax. I had been getting my legs waxed all year, so I was at least used the process. I was a little nervous about the bikini wax. The woman who did the waxing was pretty cool and she told me that it wouldn't be that bad. Her name was Linda.

Actually, there isn't a lot of pain with getting your legs waxed. The first time is pretty bad, but it gets better as the new hairs aren't as thick and come out with less pain. It does sound worse than it feels. The sound of the cloth strip being ripped off is far worse than it actually feels.

I was laying down on the table and being put in various positions by Linda. I just moved as she told me. She told me that she'd be using a different type of wax for the bikini waxing. It was thicker and she didn't use cloth strips with it, instead she just pulled it off when it hardened.

I really didn't think I had that much hair down there, but she showed me how necessary this was. I was amazed by the difference. It was a bit strange, at first looking down at my pubic hair being so orderly and neat!

Of course, Linda knew my true gender. It really didn't matter to her. She thought it was great that I was being true to myself. She said that when she'd back in LA she'd many transgendered customers along with many regular guys.

"Really?" I asked. I was on my back with my left leg extended straight up towards the ceiling.

"Oh, yes. Guys would come in to get waxed so they'd look better on the beach. I also did a lot of surfers. Some even got their whole bodies waxed so they wouldn't get irritation from their wetsuits," she explained.

"Any guys around here get waxed?" I asked. I was allowed to lower my leg.

"Yes, a few. Some are really into bodybuilding and some just like the feel, or maybe their girlfriends like it better." She started to laugh.

We talked a little about California as she finished me up. She put a soothing gel on my legs and around my bikini area. I thanked her and got dressed. I waited out front while Laura and Cat got waxed.

The receptionist and I talked while I waited. She told me that they'd been threatened by the Rev's people with "problems" unless they gave a "contribution". Their owner had told them to "go to hell" and threatened to call the police unless they left. She went on to say how she was glad that the police arrested them all on Saturday.

When Cat and Laura were finished, we headed over to the pizza place to catch up with the gang. Paul and Caroline were there, along with Alex, Kristen, Mike, and Tracey. Caroline was showing off her new driver's license with her new name.

"I can't wait until I get mine. The paperwork is due to be approved later this week," I exclaimed. "I want to have my new ID went I check in the hospital in a few weeks."

"Why are you going in the hospital?" asked Mike.

"I'm getting my nose fixed." I pointed to my bent nose.

"That's nothing to sneeze at!" quipped Paul. This was met by groans.

"That was low, even for you," groaned Caroline.

"Are really going back to NYC? I'd love to go there," sighed Kristen.

"I'll take you there when I win the Heisman Trophy in a few years," bragged Alex.

"Like that will ever happen!" joked Mike. "Besides, I'll win it before you."

They started a playful argument about who was most valuable to a football team, the quarterback or the defense.

Kristen ignored them and asked us about the trip. I really wished that she could have joined us.

"I want to hear about everything when you get back," Kristen requested. "I'm going to live there someday."

I was impressed by the determination in her voice. I really believed her. She still lives there, by the way. I try to see her once a year so we can catch a show and dinner together.

Mike and Alex would be gone by the time I came back from my nose job. They were expected to get to college and start working out. Granted, they weren't allowed to officially work out until August, but they wanted to get into the team's training facility. I would miss them both.

 

Chapter Two-Hundred-Fourteen

The biggest thing that happened on Thursday was that my name was officially changed. Mom told me that Sam was picking it up on his way home from work. Needless to say, I was a constant clock-watcher at work that night. Naturally, I told all my coworkers why I was so wired that night.

I also gave Mrs. Lincoln a thank you letter for being at the rally. She said that it was unnecessary to thank her, but I know she appreciated it. She also told me that she'd be taking me off the schedule starting a week from Sunday.

"You will have graduation on your mind and you also will need some time to recover from your operation. Besides, I doubt if you will feel like working for a while as you recover. I don't want you back in here until you are 100 percent ready" she said. "One more thing, dear, you are to call me immediately if you have any problems while you are in the city."

"Yes, Mrs. Lincoln. I really appreciate your concern."

I drove home in my new car; well, it was new to me! It was cool having my own wheels.

Sam and Mom were in the kitchen having dinner when I arrived. It was pasta with marinara sauce and I eagerly filled a plate and joined them.

"Did you get it?" I asked Sam.

"Was I supposed to get something today?" he asked. He then went back to eating.

Mom just shrugged her shoulders and took a sip of her wine. I caught her little glance over at Sam and his wink back!

"Very funny! Come on! Please let me see it!" I begged.

"Oh yes, there's that document in my brief case. Do you really want to see it?" asked Sam. "Why don't we wait until after dinner?"

"Pleaseeeeeee!" I whined.

Sam picked up his case and opened it up. He went through his papers very slowly until he pulled one out.

"I guess you mean this one." He handed it to me.

I was trembling slightly as I read it. There was a lot of legal wording, but then I saw it - my new name. I then did a double take and looked up at Sam and Mom and smiled.

"We knew that you wanted it that way," explained Mom. She had a big smile on her face.

I looked back at the paper and saw that my name was legally 'Erika Jean Warren".

"Thank you!" I exclaimed as I got up and hugged and kissed them. "You don't mind about the last name?"

"No! Of course not, besides it will soon be my last name too," stated Mom.

"I'm honored to take your name, Dad." There was more hugging and kissing. Then I started to cry and Mom started to cry. Sam didn't cry, but he was definitely moved by the moment.

Sam said I could go to the DMV on Saturday to get my new license.

After dinner we were sitting in the kitchen. Of course I was drinking tea and Mom and Sam were having coffee.

"How do you feel, now that it has had a chance to sink in a bit?" asked Mom.

"I feel good, although there is a bit of sadness over giving up my old name," I replied. "But no regrets."

"That's an honest response," remarked Sam.

I called up Laura and told her about my name change and then I called Cat. They were both happy for me. I wanted to call up everyone I knew, but I stopped there.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Fifteen

Mom said she'd stop by the school and put in an official request to have them change my records. One of the nice things about the last name change was that it didn't change me much alphabetically. I went from Walters to Warren.

I ran into Caroline and told her about the change. She gave me big hug. I also asked her if she'd picked out her bathing suit yet. She said yes, and that she'd bought a one piece. I told her that I was getting a bikini.

"You're pretty brave for wearing a bikini. There's no way I could do that," she remarked.

I also ran into Ms. B and I told her about my legal name change.

"What did you say your middle name was now?" asked Ms. B.

"Jean. Mom named me after her best friend who was killed in a car crash," I explained. "Why?"

She smiled. "Actually, that's my first name. I started using Nancy, my middle name, when I began working here, because there were three other Jeans on staff at the time. Some of my friends from college still call me Jean sometimes."

"I knew it was a good name." We hugged briefly and I headed off to class.

After school, Laura and I went over to Yvonne's to get the bikinis. We took my car this time.

She did a great job and my "maleness" was hidden quite well. The bikini top with the built in pads fit better that the one with the pockets. She had an extra padded one in that color, and so I was all set. I thanked her for the great job and I paid for both of them. I still didn't know if I had the courage to wear one in public.

"I can't wait to show you off tomorrow," bragged Laura.

I was secretly hoping for rain!

We planned on meeting Cat and Matt later on for dinner. In the meantime we went to Spencer's to kill some time and talk. I got lucky and found a close parking spot.

Laura followed my lead and also got a fruit smoothie. We plopped down on the couch and talked about school. Technically, we only had two days of classes left, as Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday were finals, and those were half days. I'd gotten really lucky with my exam schedule. I only had written finals in three classes, Child Development, Law & Enforcement, and American Lit. My photography class only required a portfolio of our work, which I'd already turned in, and PE didn't have a final. It worked out that I had one final each day. I was so glad that I had front-loaded my schedule back in San Diego!

Next Friday we'd have our class party/picnic right after finals. Monday would be graduation practice with senior night that evening. It was pretty exciting and more than a bit scary.

"You know that in two weeks we'll be in NYC!" exclaimed Laura.

"I know!"

"You worried about the surgery?" asked Laura.

"Nervous is a better description. However, I need to get used to the idea of surgery."

"I was looking at that SRS website you told me about. Those doctors do a great job. Some of them really look like they were born girls. Apparently you'll even be able to have orgasms afterwards. That's really something to look forward to!"

"It'll be a red-letter day!"

"So when will you be doing it? I know you were looking at a date sometime next spring."

"That's right. We've contacted a few doctors and they are reviewing my history. I'll let you know as soon as I know. I'll need a while to recover, and I really don't want to do that during the summer.

"I'll be there for you," she pledged

"I know you'll try," I replied

"No, I promise I'll be there," reiterated Laura.

I knew she was serious, and all I could do at that point was kiss her!

We were suddenly interrupted by Laura's cell phone. It was Cat.

"You two are shameless! Imagine making out on a couch in a public coffeehouse!" taunted Cat.

Laura looked around and saw Cat and Matt standing outside Spencer's. They were waving to us and smiling. We walked outside and joined them.

We walked up the street to a restaurant that we had wanted to try. Matt said that all colleges seemed to have a street like this one. I asked how his classes had gone, and he said pretty well.

"I'm going to start a summer internship with the FBI in a week. I'll be working in their Philly office. It should be really interesting," he explained.

"Sounds exciting," I replied.

"The cool thing is that almost everyone accepted into the internship program gets into the FBI Academy upon graduation," added Cat.

The conversation bounced all around during dinner. Matt was very interested in the arrest of the Rev and hoped that he'd get a chance to talk to Sam about it.

"I'm sure that could be arranged," I remarked. "Sam loves to tell that story, and I love hearing it."

Cat said that her mom was planning on inviting us over for dinner Sunday, along with Laura's parents. We also agreed to meet the next day at my house around noon and then drive over to the pool. Cat said she couldn't wait to see me in my bikini. I felt my face turning red. Laura smiled and said she loves it when I blush.

 

Chapter Two-Hundred-Sixteen

After dinner, Laura and I left them alone and we walked back to my car. We debated about stopping in for cappuccinos, but the urge to make out was stronger than the need for caffeine. We went back to her house and went up to her room.

We even skipped the photo at first. Laura said something about getting it later and she pulled me onto the bed. We began to snuggle and kiss. I felt her fingers rubbing against my nipples. The sensations went deep into my body and I felt quivers of pleasure rush through me. She helped me out of my shirt and then my bra. My nipples were very hard and she smiled and stroked them. She also took off her top and I returned the favor. I really loved these moments. They were so sharing and mutual.

We fooled around for almost an hour before Laura figured that we'd better take the picture and then get dressed before her parents got home. There was no doubt about my breasts growing. Laura said that if they kept growing like this I wouldn't need implants. That was a relief I really didn't want to have pads implanted in my chest.

We then talked about going to the pool tomorrow.

"Look, if you don't want to go to the pool, that's cool. I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you or anything," Laura stated.

"You're not pressuring me. I know that you care about me. I'm just a little nervous, that's all."

"Umm, are you afraid that your ...errr... thing might get hard?" I could tell that she was trying to say it as delicately as possible.

"The thought has gone through my mind. I can still get hard. I'll have to be on hormones a lot longer than just over two months to stop that from happening."

"So, it is true that sometimes you can't control it?" she asked.

"Yes. I think every boy's biggest fear is to get a hard-on in the boy's locker room. It instantly labels you as gay," I confessed.

"Did that ever happened to you?" she asked.

I smiled. "No, I was slow to mature anyway."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Well, it was a bit embarrassing being one of the last kids to get pubic hair. Being skinny and short didn't help either. I used to think it was because I was a bit younger than a lot of my classmates, but looking back, I wonder if there was something else going on."

"You mean something about being transgendered?" she asked.

"Yes, maybe. It's sort of funny. I used to think that I was just an average teenage boy. But looking back I can see things that stand out so clearly now," I explained.

"Well, hindsight is a perfect science," remarked Laura.

We went downstairs and kissed goodbye. I was just getting into my car when her parents arrived. They actually seemed happy to see me and we talked for a few minutes. I still wasn't sure if they totally accepted me. Mr. Adams liked my car. I waved goodbye to Laura and drove home.

I pulled in the driveway and walked to the house. I stopped and looked at the bush. It was nice to see it there.

I joined Mom and Sam in the kitchen. Terri had already called and given them the invitation for dinner. I warned Sam that Matt wanted to hear all about the Rev investigation. He said that he'd be happy to talk to Matt.

I showed Mom my bikinis and all she could do was smile.

"I never thought I'd see you wearing anything like these," she smiled.

"I'm still not sure about wearing them, but it's required for the competition," I stated.

"Be sure you put on lots of sunscreen tomorrow!" added Mom.

Mom always told me to put on lots of sunscreen! I was happy to see some things never change! "By the way, do you want to ride over with me to the DMV?"

"I'd love to, and it'll give me a chance to ride in your new car," replied Mom.

"What time?" she asked.

"I'd go as early as possible. They get very crowded on Saturdays," added Sam.

We agreed to leave the house by eight so we could be there when they opened at nine. Mom said she'd bring the paperwork showing my name change.

I kissed them both goodnight and went to bed. I drifted off into a pleasant restful night's sleep -no nightmares at all.

 

Chapter Two-Hundred-Seventeen

Saturday morning I was up early. I was completely ready to go and get my new license; the only problem was that it was only 6:30 AM! I killed the time by reading the paper and watching the birds. We had added a new feeder. Sam had suggested that we put up a finch feeder. It had smaller holes and it was filled with thistle seed. It sure did the job, as we were getting flocks of goldfinches and some purple finches too. It seemed ironic that in nature the males were so colorful and the females so drab – the complete opposite of humans. I wondered if animals ever had gender issues. The finches seemed to enjoy the seed. I was eating a sesame seed bagel with cream cheese and I was enjoying it too.

Mom came down a little after seven. After she got a cup of coffee and toasted her bagel she joined me at the table. She sat there and stared at me and smiled.

"What's up?" I asked.

"I was just thinking about what a lovely young woman you've become. I'm so proud of how you've handled all the changes and challenges in your life this past year!"

"I've had a lot of good help." I took a sip of my tea and then looked at Mom. "Did you ever suspect that I was 'different'?"

Mom sat there for a moment. "Yes. I didn't know that you were transgendered, but I wondered if you might be gay. But as long as you were happy, it didn't matter to me."

"What sorts of things tipped you off?" I asked.

"I can't think of anything specific offhand, but there was just a strong feeling that you had some internal conflicts. At first, I thought it was caused by the lack of a father. But when I saw your struggles with dating, I suspected that it might be something more personal."

"Was it that obvious?" I asked, sort of horrified.

"You looked so uncomfortable. I saw that you liked hanging around with girls, but that you were always very nervous when you dated. Something seemed off."

"Why didn't you ever say anything to me?" I asked.

She smiled. "I wanted to, but I was waiting for you to come to me. I did try to make it clear that I would always be there for you."

"That's true. I've always known that I could talk to you, even when I was too stubborn to do it. So this past year when did you know that this was deeper than just a contest for me?" I asked.

Mom took a long sip of her coffee. "That first day Cat brought you home and I saw you dressed. I saw how happy you looked, and it hit me that I now had a daughter."

"Really? Was it that obvious?" I asked.

"It was to me. But then again I'm your mother. I couldn't say anything until you came to me."

What else could I do but lean over and give her a big long hug?

We got in my car and headed over to the DMV. I was a little nervous, but Mom made me feel at ease.

The line wasn't too long at the DMV and we were soon filling out paperwork. The clerk we talked to was really cool and accepted the paperwork without question. Before I knew it, my photo had been taken and I was walking out with a new license that identified me as Erika Jean Warren. Of course, there'd still be a lot of paperwork to be filled out to completely change all my identification, but this was a great start.

Mom asked if she could drive us home and I reluctantly agreed. It was a good idea, as I just wanted to look at my new license. I kept looking at the little F next to sex. It was another one of those real moments. Mom also seemed to enjoy driving my car.

When we got home we saw Sam cutting the grass. He was getting a chance to try the riding mower that he'd bought the previous week. I couldn't be sure, but he seemed to be really enjoying himself.

Mom noticed it too. "When Jeff Gordon comes in for a pit stop, see if he wants a cold drink," she quipped.

"Maybe we should buy him some racing gloves and a helmet!" I suggested.

"Oh, no. He'd actually wear them!" We both started laughing together.

 

Chapter Two-Hundred-Eighteen

I went upstairs and checked the clock. I had an hour to get ready before we went to the pool. I stripped down and put on my green bikini. I looked at myself in the mirror. I didn't look too bad. My maleness was completely hidden, and my breasts looked pretty good. I then examined the rest of my body. I was glad I'd followed Laura's advice and got the bikini waxing. I was slim and my legs looked really good from all my running. My waist was thin and flat and, although I wasn't sure, it did look like I was getting a little bigger around the hips. I decided that I'd pass without any problems. If anyone said anything, I could always flash my new driver's license in their face! See, the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania says I'm a girl!

I slipped a pair of shorts and an oversized t-shirt over my suit and put on my sport sandals. I packed up my towel and sunscreen in my beach bag. I grabbed my sunglasses and went downstairs.

"So, you aren't going to let me see you in your suit?" asked Mom.

I put down my bag and took off my shirt and shorts. Mom nodded in approval. Our mother-daughter moment was quickly ended by a loud wolf whistle from Sam.

My face turned beet red as I turned around and saw him standing there looking at me.

"Hey, remember I'm going to be your daughter!" I admonished with a laugh, as I composed myself.

"You never whistled like that at me!" sniffed Mom, pretending to be upset.

"I've never seen you in a bathing suit," remarked Sam with a big smile on his face.

"Well, that can be easily corrected!" She walked over and kissed Sam and then went upstairs.

Mom came down in a few minutes in her bikini and she looked great in it. Sam gave her a long wolf whistle, and she said he was forgiven. She then went out to the deck to lie in the sun.

Sam smiled and watched her walk away.

Cat, Matt, and Laura arrived at the same time and I invited them in. I was glad that they hadn't arrived ten minutes earlier. I hadn't put my shorts and shirt back on, and Cat and Laura smiled at me.

"Nice suit!" Cat complimented.

I struck a model's pose. It was either that or rush to get dressed.

"See, I told you she'd get used to wearing it," Laura replied in a smug manner.

"We're not at the pool yet," I added

We used Laura's car and headed over to the pool. The pool was big and shaped like a huge L. At one end of the short part of the L was the diving area, twelve feet deep. They also had a kid's pool, known as the pee pool. The ground around the pool was landscaped into slopes. We picked an area a bit further away from the crowds for my sake. We spread out our towels and then we took off our outer clothes. I felt like everyone in the whole pool area was staring at me. We put on tanning lotion. Matt spread some on my back for me. I had to admit that it was cool the way he just accepted me as one of Cat's girlfriends.

I laid down on my back and decided to work on my tan. That way I could also close my eyes. I went for the "what you don't see won't hurt you" strategy. Cat, Matt and Laura all went for a swim. I was very content to just lie there.

After thirty minutes, I turned over and lay on my stomach. I positioned myself so I could watch my friends in the pool. It felt very good just lying there in the sun. I was careful to avoid sunburn. Having grown up in San Diego, I knew how much sun I could take at one time before burning. I was also aware that this was my first time out in the sun and the last thing I wanted was to get fried!

I finally gave in and joined them in the pool. I was relieved that my suit didn't fall apart or fall off! It was a really nice day and the water felt wonderful.

We took a break and moved back to the towels. Having something damp and cool on my chest was the first time I'd been at all uncomfortable about wearing a bra. I lay on my back to warm up in the sun. Laura and Cat went to go get some drinks.

"So, did you go swimming much back in California?" asked Matt. "You're from LA aren't you?"

I smiled. "A bit further south. I'm from San Diego. Yes, I did, but not in a pool. We used to go to the beach a lot. I never learned to surf, but I did use a body board."

"That's cool. My family always rents a house at the Jersey shore every summer," remarked Matt.

"Shore?" I asked.

"Yes, it's a Philly/Jersey thing. Like 'Yo' and cheese steaks," added Matt, with a laugh.

"I want to go to Philly someday. I want to meet all my future in-laws and I'd also love to see all the historical sites."

Matt told me all about the city and the area. I could see why Cat liked him so much. Cat and Laura returned with the drinks. I didn't realize how thirsty I was.

We spent a few hours there, and by the time we left I was very comfortable being out in my bikini. I also must admit that I was a little turned on by some of the looks I got from some of the guys. As Sandra had told me, I might as well enjoy the compliments. Hey, I was very happy with Laura, but a girl never turns away compliments.

Matt was taking Cat out to dinner that night. Laura suggested that we catch a movie together. Laura dropped us off and told me she'd come by around six. I kissed her goodbye and said goodbye to Cat and Matt.

 

Chapter Two-Hundred-Nineteen

I went upstairs to shower and change. I was pleasantly surprised to see my new tan lines. It was quite obvious that I'd been wearing a bikini! I thought that the contrast between tan and no tan even made my breasts stand out more! I took a nice long shower and rinsed away the smell of chlorine. I also rinsed out my bathing suit and hung it up to dry.

I slipped on a cotton skirt, a sleeveless t-shirt, and a pair of sandals. I was so glad that it was warm again outside. I did grab my denim jacket for when it got cooler.

Mom and Sam had gone out. I read Mom's note. They were moving the last things out of Sam's old apartment. There was still some furniture, but Sam had sold that to the landlord. They were also expecting to hear soon about their offer on the house. It was cool that they were buying it. I loved where we lived. The bush had exorcised the last evil spirits and now it really felt like a home.

Sam said he'd love to fence in the backyard and get a dog. He wanted a lab or a setter. I thought that was a great idea, although I still wanted to get a cat. Sam was sure cats and dogs could live together. Growing up they'd had several cats and a black lab and they'd all got along pretty well.

Laura picked me up before they got back. I wrote them a quick note and left. We grabbed a quick meal and ended up seeing the latest summer blockbuster. It was okay. I would have preferred a plot to go with the special effects.

We went over to Spencer's and got some cappuccinos. It was late and I didn't want something really sweet. I skipped the pie too, although Laura did give me some of her cheesecake.

"I have a really cool tan line now," I confessed.

"Hmmm, I'd love to see it," she replied and we kissed. We left and drove over to her house. Her parents were over at the neighbors' so we were alone.

I started to get undressed, but Laura stopped me. Instead, she undressed me. She slowly helped me out of my clothes. She then slipped off my bra with the boob pads. Then she stepped back and admired my body.

"That's so cool looking. I can't wait until your tan darkens. Of course, you'll need to lower your straps in the future so you'll get an even tan on your shoulders. And when you lie on your stomach you can undo the back," she explained.

"Well, let me see your tan line now," I asked softly.

I sat on the edge of the bed and Laura slowly undressed. She took off her dress and then her bra. I hoped that my breasts would get to be that round and full someday!

We kissed and fondled each other. I loved the intimacy of our time together. It was loving and sharing and not just a quick effort to get off.

We were lying on the bed holding each other, "May, I ask you something personal?" asked Laura.

I laughed. "How much more personal can you get?"

She smiled. "Well, I can't help but notice that you don't get hard when we cuddle. I was wondering if it was because of the hormones or the gaff or something else?"

"Well, it does initially get hard, then it softens. Maybe my mind is becoming female in a sexual manner. It's still sensitive." I didn't mind discussing this with Laura, as I knew she was truly interested in my transition.

"Do you still… umm… pleasure yourself?" she asked.

I smiled. "Yes, I do, but I find that I pay much more attention to my nipples now."

"That's incredible. It's amazing how readily the body and mind adapt," remarked Laura and she kissed me again

We got dressed and she drove me home. She said that she'd see me again tomorrow, as Terri had invited her family over for dinner tomorrow. We kissed again and I went in. It had been a wonderful day!

 

Chapter Two-Hundred-Twenty

I'm jumping right to Sunday evening and our dinner at Terri and Cat's. As I said earlier, the guests were Mr. & Mrs. Adams, Laura, Sam, Mom, and I. Of course, Matt was there too.

Terri had become very fond of Matt. She had initially been worried about Cat getting too involved with him. But she trusted Cat to do the right thing. In many ways, Cat was mature beyond her years. I've always trusted her advice.

Matt was very interested in talking to Sam. They sat out on the deck discussing the Rev and some of Sam's other investigations and cases. Cat slipped out to join in the conversation.

Dinner was very nice. Laura's parents were now very friendly with Sam and Mom. I still think they were still a little wary about me and I also think they were still sort of hoping that Laura would suddenly turn heterosexual.

Mrs. Adams was very pleased that Terri and Mom would be on the trip to NYC with us. She was also glad that we had a professional driver.

"So, how much does something like that cost?" asked Mrs. Adams.

"I'm not really sure; Erika's employer, Mrs. Lincoln, is picking up the tab," explained Mom.

"I've talked to her a few times at civic events," said Mrs. Adams. "What's she really like?"

"To be honest, I'm not really sure I can answer that. I do know she is very generous, extremely protective, and supportive of her friends and employees. Actually, employee is too general a term. When you work for her you become part of her family; she refers to all of us as her girls. I feel honored to be one of her girls," I replied.

Mr. Adams seemed very impressed. "She does seem to inspire great loyalty in her staff. I've never met anyone who has worked for her that has ever said a negative thing about her."

"How did you get hired by her?" asked Mrs. Adams.

"She called me and asked me to work for her," I replied. "I never applied for anything or even expressed an interest in working for her."

"Mrs. Lincoln first met Erika during homecoming," added Laura.

"Well, you showed her something," stated Mr. Adams. "Don't downplay it. You should be very proud that she wanted you."

"She personally recruits all her employees," I added.

"Yes, that's what I've heard. It definitely creates a loyal staff. I hope you've been paying attention to the way she runs her business, Erika," noted Mr. Adams. He smiled at me. "You can learn a lot from someone like her."

"I have already! It's been a great experience."

I could tell that I'd actually impressed Mr. Adams! Laura winked at me; apparently she knew that I'd made some points with her Dad.

After dinner, the adults stayed in the dining room and we moved out to the deck.

"Well, Dad likes you now," informed Laura.

"I'm not sure about your mom," I replied.

"She'll come around. She likes you, but I don't think she fully understands about your being transsexual."

Matt looked at me. "Don't be offended or anything, but I find it hard to believe you ever were a male. I doubt I'd have ever suspected anything if I hadn't been told. And remember, I'm training to be a cop!" He started to laugh

"I'm not offended, rather I take that as a compliment," I replied.

I knew that Matt had questions for me but was afraid of offending me or Cat.

"Look, I don't mind talking about this; in fact, I enjoy educating people," I remarked.

"That sounds like the teacher in you. I remember you telling me that during the prom," he replied.

"So, what do you want to know?" I asked. I sat down next to Laura.

He thought for a moment. "Do you have any regrets about doing this?" he asked.

"No, not that I can think of. I mean, it would have been great to start this years ago, but I wasn't ready then. In fact, I was in heavy denial. It wasn't until I started the competition that my barriers dropped and I began to see the real me."

"So, do you think that if you hadn't entered the contest then you might not have transitioned?" he asked.

He was going to be a great investigator; he really knew the right questions to ask. "I'm sure it would have come out eventually, but I'm sure it would have been more painful and difficult," I answered.

"Thanks, I'll stop the interrogation now," he stated with a laugh.

"You can do me a favor," I asked.

"What would that be?" asked Matt.

"Treat any transgendered person you meet in your career with the respect that you would any other person. The police department here has received training so that they handle transgendered crime victims and criminals properly. I have no complaints about the way they've treated me. But the same cannot be said for many other police departments. I've read many horror stories about the way some of them deal with transgendered people," I explained. "Sorry, I'll get off my soap box now!"

"Hey, I'm not offended. You have a legit complaint. I promise that I won't mistreat any transgendered people, especially victims," promised Matt. There was a determination in his voice that told me he was telling the truth.

I smiled, he smiled back.

The conversation shifted to more mundane topics. We talked for another hour and then it was time to leave. We all said goodnight. Tomorrow would begin the last week of classes! I couldn't believe that school was almost over.

 

Chapter Two-Hundred-Twenty-One

Cat, Laura, and I arrived at school and we really couldn't believe that this was the last week of classes. The school year seemed to have flown by. When we walked into school, there was a large table set up to hand out yearbooks. They had lines set up by last name. I went down to the T through Z line and picked up my book. I flipped the pages until I saw my photo. As the entries had been finalized after my decision to go fulltime they had my name as Erika. It was another one of those real moments. I stared at my name and photo and just let it soak in. I read through my short bio and found that everything was accurate.

I also paged through the book and saw that they had used several photos that I had submitted. I wasn't on the staff, but I was a "contributing photographer". It was cool seeing shots that I'd taken in print.

The teachers absolutely hated the fact that the books had been given out before school. Mr. Grant thought it was "completely idiotic" that they'd handed them out in the morning. The books were, of course, a real distraction, as people wanted to look through them and pass them around to be signed. We passed them around in homeroom and it was a real task to keep track of whose book you were signing.

The rest of the day was a battle between students and faculty over the books. Mr. Kline was pretty cool and he allowed us to have the last fifteen minutes of class to get signatures. I signed a lot of books, even those of people I barely knew. Cat had told me earlier that contestants were treated like celebrities and everyone wanted to get their book signed by them, so I figured I'd have writer's cramp by the end of the week!

I also wanted to get my teachers to sign my book. Yes, this was a bit geeky, but I didn't care. I especially wanted Mrs. Lee, Coach, Mr. Kline, Mrs. Roberts and of course Ms. B. I doubt I'd have made it through the year without their help.

Lunch was just a big book signing party. I doubt anyone was really eating. I held off getting my closest friends, such as Laura, Cat, and Kristen, as we were going to sign each other's books Wednesday evening over at Guido's. Kristen and Laura had set up a small signing party.

I really didn't get a chance to look at the book until sixth period. Mr. Kline didn't have any work for me, so I was able to enjoy mine in a leisurely manner. I was pleased to see that they had a good picture of The Pit taken during one of the games. I could make out myself in the middle of it all, or least I thought I could! I went to the cross-country page and was pleasantly surprised to see that I was in one of the action shots. It was the one race that I'd won, and they had a shot of me just before I crossed the finish line. I didn't even know that anyone had taken that one. They also had a great picture of Rachael running at the State Finals. I could just about make out my initials on her shoes.

The football section was really good. They had some great photos of Alex and Mike. They even had a shot of Mike on the sideline waving my torn t-shirt. I wanted him to sign that page!

I then saw the homecoming photos. The event seemed like it had happened years ago. I smiled while musing about how much fun that evening had been. I was pleased to see there was no mention that I was a scholarship contestant. I wasn't ashamed of being the first contestant to be elected to the homecoming court; I just didn't want it to be the main focal point.

 

Next, I turned to the section for the scholarship competition and saw that they had all our initial photos with our names. There were some photos of various events. I was surprised that they had photos from the fashion show, including one of me tossing the bouquet. They must have just got them in before printing. I then saw something that caught me off guard. I must have skipped it when I first looked at the initial photos of the contestants. They had a photo of Jason as Jan. I stared at it in silence. I could feel my anger rising, as I felt he had forfeited any right to be in the yearbook.

I debated what I should do about it. I finally solved the problem for myself and I took out a black sharpie and very carefully blacked out his photo and name. I debated just drawing prison bars, but decided that he needed to be totally blacked out. I was very precise and avoided damaging other photos or the book itself; I even used a ruler to ensure the edges were straight. I was very pleased with the job I had done. I looked in the index in the back of the book and was relieved to see that his name wasn't listed anywhere else. I then blacked his name out of the index.

The blackening out of Jason's photo was a nice exercise and it calmed me down. I figured that it was just a mistake that he'd been left in. I paged through the candid shots and smiled when I saw one of me when I was "with child" – someone had gotten a shot of me standing outside during the evacuation of school. I noticed that Alex's brother, Nick, was standing next to me in the photo. I showed him the picture and asked him to sign the page. He was shocked and pleased that a senior would ask him to sign their yearbook. I liked him a lot. While he wasn't as good an athlete as his brother, he was just as charming and friendly. He also was happy to just be himself and not try to live up to his brother's legacy.

I was also able to get Mr. Kline to sign my book. He wrote a really nice paragraph to me. He hoped that I'd become a teacher and maybe someday we could be colleagues.

I swung by Ms. B's office and she reminded me about the scholarship meeting after school. I then told her about Jason/Jan's picture in the yearbook. She instantly had a look of horror on her face. She looked in the yearbook on her desk and shook her head.

"I'm so sorry. I had no idea that they'd kept his picture in it," Ms. B apologized.

"Nothing can be done about it now. I used a marker and deleted him." I showed her my book.

"Still, I'd better go let Mrs. Lee know about this, just in case we get any phone calls from irate parents."

I walked over to Mrs. Lee's office with her. "Who else will really get upset about this? I'm sure that my parents won't be."

Ms. B smiled at me. "I'm sure they won't. But there are other parents who will get worked up about it. By the way, I noticed you said 'my parents.' That has a nice ring to it."

I had to think about it for a moment. She was right on both counts. We entered Mrs. Lee's office and Ms. B showed the picture to Mrs. Lee, who just sat there shaking her head.

"Every year something slips through, however this is inexcusable. I'm very sorry, Erika," apologized Mrs. Lee.

"Thank you. I'm not that upset anymore. I sort of took care of the problem in my book." I showed her the blacked out picture.

"I suppose that's one way to solve the problem," smiled Mrs. Lee.

I asked her if she'd sign my book and she gladly accepted. I looked at the clock and saw that I needed to get going.

"Can you sign my book tomorrow, Ms. B?" I asked.

"Absolutely. Stop by anytime," she offered

I excused myself and left. Cat and Laura were waiting for me out by the car. I told them what had happened and they immediately opened up their yearbooks. Without a word they began to cover up his photo.

"I think that solves that problem!" announced Cat.

"What problem?" asked Laura, tongue firmly in cheek

"Exactly." Cat smiled.

I just stood there and smiled.

 

Chapter Two-Hundred-Twenty-Two

Work was fun that evening. Cindy kept me busy, which was how I liked it. Sales for weddings were still strong, and we were beginning to get customers wanting dresses for the mid-summer ball at the country club. I didn't do a lot of actual sales work. It was more to do with my age than anything else. Many of the women who shopped in the store didn't want a 17-year-old girl helping them select a dress for a wedding party. I didn't mind that much, even though I knew more about fashion than many of them! Mrs. Lincoln ensured that we all kept up with the latest fashion trends and what accessories went best with each outfit.

That was another of the little ironies about my transition. A year ago my fashion sense had consisted of ensuring my t-shirt matched my shorts. Now I even knew how to dress properly for the theater. I was also very good at selecting the correct accessories for my own outfits. Mrs. Lincoln was very demanding about our appearance both at work and away from work. She'd given me "constructive criticism" several times about the way I'd been dressed when I arrived at work. While she might have sounded overly formal and harsh to an outsider, we all knew that she did it because she cared about us. She never corrected us in public either, it was always done privately. Looking back, I owe so much to Mrs. Lincoln. I learned so much from her, from fashion to how to deal with people politely and diplomatically. I was very lucky that I was one of her girls.

After work, I drive my car home. I love saying that, MY CAR! I arrived home and glanced over at the bush. It was doing well and seemed to be adapting to its new home. Sam was working on some briefs for work and the kitchen table was covered in paperwork. As usual, when he got into a case he lost all track of time.

"Hi, Dad. I take it you haven't eaten yet," I asked.

"Hi, Erika. No, I haven't eaten," he replied. He barely lifted his head from his paperwork.

I looked in the fridge. I knew that Sam really wouldn't care what was for dinner, as his mind was deep in the case. I made some pasta and a salad. Mom came in just as I was finishing.

"Hello, everyone," greeted Mom. "Hmm…that smells good."

"Hi, Mom." She came over and hugged me.

Sam never lifted his head, but he did say hi. Mom looked at me and smiled and shrugged her shoulders. We both admired the dedication that he put into preparing his cases. He did however clear away most of his papers so we could eat. We also knew NOT to touch his papers!

"Sorry. This case is very important, plus I really want to get this guy."

I could understand Sam's desire to get a conviction in this particular case. The defendant had been charged with stalking and beating up his ex-girlfriend. The guy had been served a restraining order to stay away for her. Within hours after the court order, he'd kicked down her door and beaten her up badly. Sam figured the guy had gone from the courtroom to a bar, and then to her apartment. They'd caught him a block away after he'd crashed his car into a utility pole. He was found passed out in the front seat.

Sam took all cases seriously, but he really disliked guys like that defendant. Sam really took his duty as a protector of society seriously. I also think the reason why Sam wanted this guy so badly was because he'd thumbed his nose at the legal system by so quickly and deliberately violating the restraining order.

"We have a strong case, but I want to make sure he gets the maximum sentence," added Sam.

"How's the woman doing?" asked Mom.

"Good, considering the circumstances. She's also seeing Jenny. She can't get better help than that," he replied

"I agree!" I concurred. I was pleased that Sam thought so highly of Jenny.

"Erika, you don't mind us talking about this?" asked Sam; there was a slight tone of concern in his voice.

"No, not at all, I'm glad you are there to put these jerks away." I put strong emphasis on the word 'jerks'.

"Jerks?" Sam smiled. "You pick that up from Tom Bell?"

"Yes, he said 'jerk' was the proper legal term," I replied with a smile. I knew Sam had his eye on Tom. He saw a lot of potential in him.

Sam nodded and smiled, and then went back to work so we left him alone. Mom told me about the phone call from Mrs. Lee, apologizing for the picture of Jason/Jan in the yearbook. I told her of my solution. She seemed to approve. I retrieved my yearbook from my room and showed it to Mom. I fixed us each a mug of tea and we looked through it together. I could tell that Sam was deep in thought, as he never made a crack about us both drinking tea!

 

Chapter Two-Hundred-Twenty-Three

Tuesday was a busy day. First, it was the last day of classes for seniors. Second, it would be the last official meeting of the Fab Four. Then there'd be the meeting with next year's contestants. I was really looking forward to that!

The morning consisted of reviews for finals and getting yearbooks signed. The flap over Jason's photo had seemed to pass. Many people just blanked his picture out. I was pleased that it didn't become a huge issue.

At lunch, Caroline and I arrived first for the meeting. We traded yearbooks to write our sentiments. Denise showed up a few minutes later. I was a bit surprised that she had a yearbook, as it seemed out of character for her. But I should have learned never to make an assumption about Denise. We passed our books around.

Ms. B walked into the meeting along with Lisa. I noticed that Lisa's eyes were red, as if she'd been crying. She also looked very relieved.

"Good afternoon, everyone," greeted Ms. B. She was standing there with her arm around Lisa. They looked at each other and Ms. B nodded.

"I need to say a few things to all of you. First, I consider all of you my friends and I wouldn't have gotten this far without your support. I have decided to drop out," announced Lisa.

We all sat there in silence. Lisa was holding back tears. We all waited for her to finish.

"I want to graduate as Glenn. This is very important to me and the more I thought about it, the less important the scholarship seemed. My own well-being is more important than money, and I finally see that, after many sleepless nights," explained Lisa

I stood up and walked over and hugged her, and was quickly joined by Caroline and Denise. I could understand her/his need to feel at ease.

"So, you aren't going to try and talk me out of this?" asked Lisa/Glenn.

"No, it's your decision and as your friend I fully support you," stated Caroline.

"I agree with Caroline," I added. I had mixed feelings but I knew what could happen when you ignored your personal well-being.

"Same here," chorused Denise.

Ms. B stood back and watched us. She seemed very pleased with all of our reactions and responses. I figured that Glenn and Ms. B had had a long talk about this issue. I also knew that Ms. B would keep it private.

"Glenn, you're welcome to stay, but I need to talk to the remaining contestants," she explained.

He nodded and sat there and signed our yearbooks.

"Now, I know all of you have volunteered to speak this afternoon and I appreciate it. It will be similar to the meeting that you attended last year. As you weren't here last year, Erika, I'll tell you what will happen. First, I'll present the rules and regulations of the contest and then there will be a question and answer period. In addition to you three, there will be several of the contestants who dropped out. Now you don't have to answer any question that you feel is too personal."

"Sounds good," I stated. "Who are the other speakers?"

"Andrew/Anne, Charlie/Claire and I also have one of the boys who only lasted a few weeks. His name is Bill Abbott," replied Ms. B.

I knew Bill and had forgotten that he'd once been a contestant. I actually had to look in the yearbook to remember what he'd looked like as a girl. I also figured that it would probably be too emotional for Glenn to speak at that point.

I was happy that Glenn was happy. Having had more than my share of emotional stress this year, I fully understood his decision. I would still miss Lisa. It then hit me that Denise had to be the third! Still I'd wait until she said something about it.

During 6^th period, I looked through my yearbook and started to look through the main section. I saw that Caroline also had had her profile updated to show her as female. Glenn's profile didn't, and there was no mention of the contest in his bio. Lisa was, of course, in the scholarship pages. I then flipped to find Denise's profile. I saw that she'd had her profile updated and didn't mention her male name. Denise had pulled off a stealth transition!

 

Chapter Two-Hundred-Twenty-Four

The meeting for next year's competition was held in the auditorium after school. I showed Caroline the yearbook entry for Denise and we both smiled. Denise walked over to us and saw that we were looking at her profile. She broke out in smile. "I was wondering when someone would make the connection," said Denise.

"When did you know?" I asked. "Oh, by the way, congratulations!"

"Thanks, Erika. I've always known. My sisters used to let me dress in their clothes when I was growing up. They thought it was cool that I wanted to be a girl," explained Denise.

"Why didn't you tell us?" asked Caroline. "It would have been nice to know we weren't alone and we could have helped each other."

"I figured if I came out no one would take me seriously anyway. If I'd declared that I was TS, it might have hurt you two by association, so I just kept it to myself and Ms. B," explained Denise. "I know that I'm a bit of a flake, and that most here at school don't take me seriously. However, in the band I'm taken very seriously as both a musician and a girl."

"I think it's wonderful. I'm happy to be your friend," I stated.

"Erika, you are one of the exceptions here; you've always been cool with me. Maybe it's because you were new here this year and you have no prior knowledge of me. I appreciate that you've been one of my friends all year. Caroline, I also appreciate that you've changed your opinion of me. I know that you initially thought of me as the strange kid in a bad garage band, and I always thought you were a bit stuck up. But I'm happy that we're now friends. I guess we've all changed some this year."

We both stood there speechless. Caroline broke the silence. "Well, I'm glad that is water under the bridge." All three of us hugged again.

Ms. B walked over and looked at us. "So, the secret is out?"

We all nodded.

Well, this definitely will be a year to remember!" exclaimed Ms. B with a smile. "This is also only the second year that a TS student has won the scholarship. Sandra was the only previous winner, and she didn't come out until after school was over."

I smiled thinking how we had smashed that record, but at the same time it would have been nice to share with a non-TS contestant.

We sat down on the edge of the stage and watched as the various contestants entered the gym. I recognized a few of them from my classes. There were several from the history class where I'd been a TA. I was pleasantly surprised to see Alex's brother Nick sit down. He smiled at me and I gave him the thumbs up sign.

The rest of the ex-contestants entered and joined us on the edge of the stage. I also noticed nine or ten girls walk in and sit down with the rest of the contestants. Ms B just smiled and winked at us. A few more people walked in and sat down. I did a quick headcount and determined that there were forty-two boys and sixteen girls.

Once everyone was there, Ms. B began to speak. "I want to welcome you all to this informational meeting for those interested in next year's senior scholarship contest. I'm Ms. Bell and I am the coordinator for the contest. First off, I want to say that this is strictly an informational meeting. You don't need to decide one way or the other if you want to participate. Additionally, if you have friends interested and they couldn't be here today, they're not disqualified."

No one got up and left, so I guess that was a good sign.

"Okay, first let me tell you that as always there will be some changes in the contest from this year, so please read the handbook carefully. Now the first big change is that there will be two contests. For the first time, we are having a contest open to girls. Of course, they will be held to the same strict rules as the boys. Like the boys who will live 24/7 as girls, they'll have to do the same and live 24/7 as boys. It won't be just put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and collect a full scholarship. It will require appropriate haircuts and following a very rigid set of grooming rules. For example, you will not shave your legs, etc."

One girl got up and walked out. Another girl raised her hand. "Some boys wear their hair long, so why can't we keep our hair long?"

"That's true, but they usually don't have it styled with bangs like yours. If you're in doubt on what is appropriate, then see me before the start of school," explained Ms. B.

There were a few laughs following the bangs remark but no one else left.

"Now, specific grooming and clothing standards are in your handbooks, so please read them carefully. Next, the scholarship money will be staggered. In the event of a tie next year, we will take other things into account. Of course, for a tie to occur two or more will have to make it to graduation. If everyone quits at the same time in the middle of the year, then a committee will decide the winner. Boys and girls are not competing against each other. There will be winners in each gender group. First place in each group will receive a full four-year scholarship plus expenses; second place will receive 90 percent and third 80 percent. Of course, that's only in the case of a tie. 75 percent will be the lowest amount anyone will receive who ties at the end of the year."

A boy in the front row raised his hand. "Ms. B, what sort of things are you talking about in breaking a tie?"

"Things like participation in school events, clubs, job, etc. Additionally, there will be some optional challenges next year, in addition to the mandatory challenges. At the end of the year, we will evaluate the contestant's records and then make a decision. The possibility exists for a real tie, but don't count on it. Also there will a job fair this fall for anyone interested. The companies at the fair want to support the contest and will offer gender specific jobs to contestants."

"What were the mandatory challenges this year?" asked another boy.

"There was a fashion show, working as a waitress at the big charity dinner, taking child development, and a few others. I do want to make one thing VERY clear. The challenges are not designed to embarrass or humiliate you. They are to give you insight into the gender you are experiencing."

I looked at Nick and he smiled and extended his belly when Ms. B mentioned the child development class. I had to hold back from laughing.

"Now, at some point next year the scholarship committee will determine a date at which all remaining contestants will receive some money. These dates are determined by the committee and are not announced. However, the school has agreed that anyone who makes it through the first semester will get extra academic credit for a course in "Cultural Differences."

One of the girls raised her hand and asked a question. "Excuse me, but what will be some of the challenges for the girls?"

"You will be required to take shop. The choices are wood, metal, or auto. You will also be waiters and busboys for the dinner, and caddies for a golf tournament. There will be a few others that we are still arranging."

She then turned around and introduced us to the audience. She said that we were here to answer any questions related to our experience in the competition. Ms. B also reminded them to keep the questions relevant and appropriate.

"I have a question," asked a red headed boy in the back. "What would be the best advice you could give us?"

Bill Abbott answered that one. "Follow the rules. If Ms. B says something, don't try to find a way around the rules. Not everyone quits from the contest. During the first few weeks many are kicked out for rules violations. That's what happened to me."

"What did you do?" asked another boy.

"It's more along the lines of what I didn't do. We were supposed to wear skirts or dresses at least three days of the week, and I figured that no one would be keeping track. I figured wrong!" His response was followed by lots of laughter.

"I'd like to add that if you have problems or issues, always let Ms. B know. They have help available," I added.

"Use the discount card!" added Caroline. "It'll save you a boatload of money, especially if the contests lasts as long as ours did."

"I'd suggest that you should find a close friend or relative to help you with the day to day things, especially in the first couple of weeks," stated Andrew.

Charlie looked around and then spoke. "Keep an open mind and accept help when it's offered. Don't try to do this alone. I also agree with Erika, see Ms. B when you need help or have questions."

There was a lot of nodding in agreement and a few were taking notes. Another hand went up. "When did you start dressing for the contest?" asked a blond haired boy.

I started this one. "I started around two weeks before school began. It was a big help, especially when it came to getting dressed and doing my makeup. It made me feel much more at ease. You don't want your first day in a dress to be the first day of school."

"I started around the same time, and I agree with Erika. Looking back, I wish I'd started sooner," commented Denise. Caroline and I were amazed she said that with a straight face. We both had to hold in laughs.

The next few questions concerned classes and schedules. Then we got into the more serious questions. We were asked if there were any problems with our families over the contest. The answers included problems during the holidays and things like that. Caroline didn't answer and I didn't blame her. Ms. B stated that sometimes family issues did occur and they should be addressed as soon as possible. She went on to tell them that counseling would be available for anyone who wanted it.

I got an even more personal question from one of the boys. I think he was trying to impress his friends by being funny or controversial, but he ended up looking like a total jackass. He asked me if I considered the contest safe and did I feel I was warned sufficiently about potential problems and did I think that the contest was responsible for what happened to me. He had a stupid looking grin on his face as he waited for me to respond. There was a deafening silence in the auditorium after he asked it. People were staring at him speechless. Ms B was about to step in, but I waved her off.

"The contest wasn't responsible for what happened to me. For those who don't know what he's talking about, I was sexually assaulted back in the fall. The person who attacked me was a student here and had been expelled for attacking me earlier in the year. He was the problem, not the contest. I'll say that the school provided me with great support and assistance. Did I answer your question?"

I smiled a very sweet smile at him that bordered on psychotic. It was designed to make him feel three inches tall, and I think it worked. I had been studying Sam's smile for this sort of emergency. My answer was greeted by applause and he got up and slinked out. Ms. B looked at me and smiled while shaking her head.

"That does remind me of one important thing. If you are teased, harassed, or bothered in any way because of your participation, you should contact me immediately. The school's code of conduct protects you, just as it would any other student," reminded Ms. B. "We will also attempt to help you with any such problems outside of school."

Another boy asked about the length of the contest.

"The length is strictly determined by the students who enter the contest. This year's group had the correct mixture of participants to make it last this long. Last year's contest barely made it to winter break, so it's all up to you!" explained Ms. B

There were a few more questions, but nothing controversial.

"I want you all to read the rule book very carefully. There is a phone number and an e-mail address inside the front cover that you can use to ask questions over the summer. This is a great opportunity to learn about the opposite gender and a chance to get some money for college," reiterated Ms. B. She then dismissed everyone.

After the juniors, left Ms. B walked over to me. "I'm sorry about that question, Erika, but you handled it well."

"Thanks. So, when did they make the decision to start an FTM branch of the contest?" I asked.

"They wanted to wait until a contestant went the whole year. I'll tell you more next week during our dinner. By the way, I've invited Caroline and Denise to join us, I didn't think you'd mind."

"No, not at all, that sounds great! So will we get our secret decoder rings that night?" I asked.

Ms. B just smiled.

I looked at my watch and said goodbye, as I had to head to therapy.

 

(continued)

  

  

  

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