The Story of Sissy

by Lady Katherine

 

Alice laughed. `There's no use trying,' she said: `one CAN'T believe impossible things.'

`I daresay you haven't had much practice,' said the Queen. `When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.

 

It always amazes me that even the most bizarre circumstances if they are repeated often enough they become normal. So it was with me wearing dresses. I suppose with a boy who had a more normal life and had male friends it would have taken longer. But I got used to my dresses quite soon. I thought nothing of selecting a dress to wear in the morning and my petticoats even my earrings. I did not think about putting on my training bra every morning and going out to see my friends. Why this happened I am not sure perhaps it is because for the first time in my life I really had friends and I was part of a group. The fact that they expected me to wear a dress and act like a young girl was a minor trade off. I had given up the idea of someone noticing I was really a boy and ending my role as my aunt's niece. The people in this town took things at face value if you put on a dress and said you were a girl they accepted it. Still I liked it, my dresses quickly became like the other girls and my hairdo I fashioned like Estelle's. The girls in the group all hung out together we never went anywhere alone. Mostly we spent time in the spring in each others bedrooms playing records and giggling and talking about the changes that were happening in our bodies. Estrogen was racing through out bodies and making changes. Of course the girl's hormones came from their ovaries and mine came from my pills every morning and on Friday the nurse would come over and give me a shot of something that was very thick for my female problems. All I knew was that with in minutes my nipples would be tingling and hard as rocks. The physical changes were quite dramatic I was quickly catching up to my girl friends in development. My skin became soft and soft curves replaced my boyish body. My skin was also very sensitive to the touch and now I knew all about why girls were skittish. Of course the obvious one was my boyish chest had disappeared and now I had soft breasts with large sensitive nipples. I was still an A cup but I had graduated to teen bras now and I was so proud. But the biggest changes were mentally. I knew I was becoming more passive and less competitive except for looks and while I was not attracted to boys I no longer was attracted to girls. Perhaps because I had a body like theirs I don't know. But there were other physical characteristics that did not change. Things that were left over from my past my left shoulder was one inch below my right a fact I learned when I was fitted for my formal. And I still walked with a slight limp. It seems when they were doing x-rays of me they found that my pelvis had been broken and healed slightly wrong, a consequence of my father kicking me when I was on the floor in one of his more brutal beatings. Never the less I told my self that was behind me and I was having so much fun. I went swimming with the girls. I wore my first girls a bathing suit that I drove my Aunt Pat crazy trying to find. But it had to be a two piece and the bottom had to be a skirt style because of my male parts. The skirt did look nice when I walked. The guys loved it and several girls decided I should not get all the attention so several girls decided to get one like mine. That made me feel great to think they were copying me. We did horse back riding and that was the only time we could wear pants or actually a split skirt we called them riding clothes and changed at the stable. The only other way was to ride sidesaddle and that was torture sitting aside the horse and trying to look where you were going. There was of course babysitting and I was beginning to enjoy that. For a while I could play mother and care for sweet babies. Perhaps it was because the hormones were changing me mentally to that feeling, I don't know but what ever it was it was how I felt now. I even got the chance to have a baby suckle one of my nipples. I was helping out a mother feed her babies and she was breast feeding them and I said I would love to know how it feels and she said well were alone unbutton your dress and bra and try it. When I saw she was serious I did that and let the baby's mouth cover my nipple. Instantly it became hard and big and the baby was having a grand time. Mrs. Vanderheart smiled and told me I had great nipples for many babies to feed. Of course how could I tell her I was never going to breast feed? But it was a thrill and I worked very hard to care for my little charges so it was not long before I got a reputation for being a good babysitter. Aunt Pat was very proud and so was I.

As spring slipped imperceptibly into summer the pace of life slowed and we saw more of the boys but the ones our age were not interested in us. They played baseball and other sports down by the town park. No girl went down there unless she wanted to get a reputation of being boy crazy. Something that in a few years would be natural but now we were too young to date. Carrie Bernheart went down there and she was teased terribly of being boy crazy. Though I suspect she really only wanted to play ball. She told me her mother found a baseball glove in her room and got rid of it and that was the end of that. She returned to us in a terrible stiff corset that was so tight she could hardly move without fainting. Her mother had stunted her desire of ever playing sports. Of course I wore a corset as well as did several girls but they were not as restrictive. Carrie was now meek and submissive as her mother thought she should be and never again played sports.

Before I knew it the big dance was upon us where the young girls were first presented to the adult social life as young women. I spent weeks trying to find the perfect gown to wear. Finally I found what I thought was the perfect gown it was in pale lavender and had built in petticoats and bra which was a strange feeling for me. It had thin spaghetti straps and my shoulders were bare. At the end of the week we girls talked of nothing else we all knew what each other would wear we even modeled them for each other in our bedrooms so the night of the dance I sat waiting for my date to show up I half expected him to not bother and stay home. But at 7pm on the dot the door bell rang and there was Gerald Byer in his suit and tie holding a corsage for me. It was the first time I had seen him so close and he was a scared looking kid long and lanky with thick glasses and a pimply face. Ok so this story would have been better if he was a hunk but that is not life. And he was not getting a prize in me. I was plain faced with a swarthy complexion do to my Indian blood. I was nearly flat chested and had no figure and walked like a dromedary in heat. What a gip I was, he was not even getting a real girl. I began to cry ruining my makeup I really wanted to be beautiful for him like Estelle whose beautiful white complexion and ample figure was so terrific. Aunt Pat came into the room and sat down on the bed and wiped my eyes.

"Your ruining your makeup she said now what is all this?"

I explained all of it in a wine and Aunt Pat looked at me and said in her severest tone.

"Look sissy you are what you are your never going to be a pale white girl but I told you before you are pretty and if he does not like you that is his loss. Now dry your eyes and put your makeup back on and get down stares before he changes his mind and bolts for the door."

I did as was told and when I walked into the parlor he stood up and his eyes widened not in terror but in awe he liked me and the way I looked and for that ill always remember Gerry my first date and his kindness. He remembered that he had a corsage for me and went to put it on me but since my dress had no place for it he was a bit confused until aunt pat told him my left wrist was an alternative and that is where he put it. You look beautiful he said I felt tears well up inside of me again but these were different kind of tears I realized and managed to keep them back or ruin my makeup once more. Aunt Pat went with us to the elk's hall she was dressed in a stunning gown of satin and beads I knew she would have many dance partners there. On the way to the hall he put his hand over mine. It was warm and I felt strength in it. Emotions began to well up in me that I did not know how to handle. I felt my face get warm I wanted to be pretty for him I wanted this to be his best date ever.

I felt like being on a rollercoaster things were rushing by so fast I was so scared and yet thrilled as well was this really happening to me? When we got there we were put into a room and told what to do. We would be presented to the ballroom guests. So we had to line up and walk out the double doors into the ballroom when our name was called. I looked around I could not believe I was standing there in a ball gown but there I was. I was not the tallest "girl" there nor was I the most boyish looking but I felt awkward and really out of place. Yet I realized I was not alone in this feeling I could see other girls reacting the same way. Then they announced my name and Gerry had to nudge me to move I stepped out into the huge room and heard the man announce Miss Katherine Waverly accompanied by Mr. Gerry Bayer. I came out to applause and turned to my right as I was told to do and Gerry left me and I stood there with the other girls till all of them came out and then we took a bow. I thought my heart would burst my chest it was betting so hard. I could see Aunt Pat in the crowd taking a picture of me along with others and then we had to stand there for the official photo after which we went to our table. Each table was a foursome and Mary O'Conner's escort and mine Gerry were waiting for us. They held our chairs for us and Mary and I giggled at each other at the attention. This was a small town and very practical so we then had a catered dinner. The boys had steak but we girls agreed to all have fish because it was neater to eat. I had a whole three bites of the meal. Mary had only a few more but the guys had the whole steak before they took it away. I noticed none of the other girls had much to eat either. I noticed because I was avoiding looking into Gerry's eyes. I would look into his eyes and my face would burn with a blush and my nipples would get hard, girls had a whole new sensory system than boys. After dinner the band began playing they were from the VFW and most of them looked like they served in WW1 but they did play in tune and the first dance was ours alone and so all the girls and their escorts began to dance Gerry was a good dancer and I put my arm on his shoulder and he slipped his around my waist and it felt comfortable and … well safe. But I should have practiced more in high heels it through my stride off and my limp returned with a vengeance but Gerry just held me close and made it look smooth as he took the weight off my one leg. Soon the adults joined in and I saw Aunt Pat dancing with Herb Donley who ran the butcher shop and he looked very spiffy in his tux I had always seen him in his white butcher apron. We danced till it grew dark and then they opened the great doors to the patio that looked out over Blue Lake and we went out and they set off fireworks. Gerry turned me to him and kissed me. I was not to sure how I felt about a boy kissing me. To him I suppose it was expected but then he stuck his tongue into my mouth and that broke the spell and I jumped back and really startled him and things got very cold between us. I wanted to explain but what could I say, I never thought a boy would ever French kiss me. Or for that matter want to, but then every thing was upside down now that I was living as a girl. But then the band played "Good night Irene" and it was time to leave. We drove back in silence and I knew I had screwed up badly. There was no hope of explaining why I did that I did not even know why if the truth be known. So we stood outside my front door neither one of us knowing what to do. I finally made up my mind and I closed my eyes and tilted my head back and I felt him put his arms around me and begin to kiss me. This was different and I found myself kissing back and I was lost in time and his arms. But all things end and he stopped and I smiled and said thank you it was wonderful and he walked back to the car. He looked back once and walked into the mailbox. I pretended not to notice. I wonder I thought if that was what Alice did with her white Knight that kept falling off his hoarse. I walked into the house, it was dark but from the living room Aunt Pat's voice came from the darkness.

"Did you have a good time dear?"

"Yes I said it was very nice better than I had expected actually"

"Did he kiss you she asked?"

"Yes I replied"

"Did you like it she asked?"

I started to speak and a lump got in my throat emotions rushed up in me all kinds of wild thoughts both pleasant and discussing. But nothing came out and then I began to cry and ran up stairs.

I don't know why I was crying I was getting so emotional lately I didn't know if it was the hormones or the situation that made me that way or both. I took off my beautiful gown and hung it up and then my petticoats and put cold cream on my face to remove my makeup. The truth was I had never kissed a girl but Gerry was not the first boy I kissed. Thoughts of the gym coach flooded my mind. It was the end of august and summer was nearly over I would have to go back to school. The question was as what? This person every one knew and liked called Sissy or should I go back to mom and be a boy again. But things had changed over the summer my hips had widened and I had this soft curvy skin and now my boobs were really showing I was finally looking good in a bathing suit. If I went home looking like this, who would believe me I was a boy and if they did I would surly be black and blue within a week of the start of school. But if I stayed as Sissy I knew I would never be a male again things were getting too complicated. I would stay a home town girl in a very small town in the rural countryside for the rest of my life. But here no girl stayed single for long there was just too many boys looking for wives to let any female go single for long. I thought about the possibility of having a husband and dark emotions came over me. How could I be intimate with a boy? I looked at my wrist I still had the corsage that Gerry had pinned on my wrist. Why didn't I take that off before I got undressed I wondered? Being a home town girl in this town somehow seemed very filling in my heart. I could take care of a man and babies I had done that with other mother's babies I cared for. It was immensely satisfying. Still I knew I could never be a woman completely no matter how hard I tried. Gerry wanted a family and I could never give that to him. I looked in the mirror and saw a little girl through the looking glass beware of the Jabberwock little girl I said to her. The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! Beware the Jujub bird, and shun. The frumious Bandersnatch!' I know you find growing up very terrifying so do I but I don't know how to stop it. In the morning my aunt awoke me up, I still had the corsage on my wrist.

A few weeks later my Aunt approached me with a letter from mom. She wanted to know what I was going to do in the fall. I froze I knew it was very close to making a decision but had tried to put it off. Now I had no choice.

"I really don't have a choice do I Aunt Pat look at me do you think I could make it as a boy now?"

"There are drugs to bring you back but true you will never be completely normal. But then Sissy I did not have a choice when I went to school I was a girl and that was that"

I knew it was not only my physical appearance now that was in question. Things that a girl did were incomprehensible to me as a boy, now were perfectly natural while boys were becoming more and more a mystery as the months went by. Even if I were a physically normal male I would no longer know what to do. Then there was giving up my dresses they were the best part of this whole new person I loved rustling about in petticoats and high heels and giggling with my girl friends. Aunt Pat encouraged me in this she loved it when I completely went to wearing heels and makeup every day. She said that I was becoming a sweet young lady and that would all end if I went back. I knew that if I did I would still put on a dress from time to time and of course that would be a terrible secret. Here every one knew me as Sissy a nice girl who was expected to wear a dress. So I knew what I was going to do before I even said it.

"I decided to remain Sissy and go to Saint Mary's of the sacred heart Aunt Pat you knew I would."

"Aunt Pat smiled yes I knew you would not give up your dresses"

Officially the school started in September but since the boys were still helping their fathers in the harvest and many of the girls were helping their mothers can the produce for winter it was not until October before school got underway. It was plenty of time for me to have my hip corrected and remove my limp. It was to be a 6 hour operation that drifted into one 11 hours long. My pelvis was rebroken and pins put in to correct my limp and to make it more female. My unary tract was removed from my penis and now went down between my legs and my testis was removed. It made my being a girl very final. So I got back to school just in time for the real start of school in October. The buss picked me up in front of our farm in the morning at 7am I was dressed in the school uniform I had on a white nylon blouse that buttoned down the front in pearl buttons with a peter pan collar. A pleated plaid wool skirt that itched and I was glad for my petticoats I felt the large double hoop earrings dangling from my ears. And felt comfortable in my 1 inch heels. I meet Mary and Nancy waiting for the bus for school I greeted them with warm smiles. Mary O'donald was a red headed Irish girl my height of 5'7" we now had the same bra size in a "C" cup. Her face was beautiful and delicate despite her freckles. Nancy on the other hand was a head shorter than I was and very slim like my aunt Pat. She was a short hared brunette. With a moderate breasts in a "B" cup. Both were dressed as I was we all liked high heels. My hair was done up in a pony tail in a pink ribbon I felt very pretty

The school was a disappointment for me as I was used to big and modern schools. This was a series of low buildings. There was a central church, catholic, not of our denomination. Next to it the convent its self, a short distance away stood the two story building for school. The school was lavishly made and reminded me more of a country manor house than a school. The majority of the school students were girls only a small part of the classes were boys and they were carefully kept separate from us girls. There were no grades we were first, second, ETC. year students.

Of the new girls' that started that year seven were from our town and went to public school. Six were being bussed to Evensville in the next valley. The rest of us banded together and it was a memorable time. So many wonderful memories and fragments of them it was a time of innocence and girlish secrets. In our third year Estelle died of cancer it hit us all hard and it was the first time I wore a black morning dress. But sadly it would not be the last. That left Nancy, Mary and me from the original 16 girls of the elk's club dance so we naturally banded together even closer. The real let down of this local school were the courses in my lonely opinion. Courses were limited. No sciences, but there was music -- taught by some incredibly talented people I granted that. We were told by the nuns. We must learn a musical instrument in the years at the school. Then there were home economics, art, languages, child care and delivery, world history and finally electives. Still looking back if it were not for that school I would never have learned the love of the violin. (I picked that because it was easier to carry than a harp or a piano.) Sadly I was so contemptuous always of the courses at that school. Yet I used every one later in my life and was thankful for the training. But I realized that only after. Still in the four years I attended things had slowly changed I had accepted my life in skirts. My body was not bad looking and I was getting proud of it. Gerry Byer's father died shortly after I began attending school there and his family moved out west to Ohio to stay with relatives. There was a severe shortage of eligible young women in the town my coming to live with my aunt had added one more to the flock of single young girls that was always being circled by the young men of the town. By my forth year most of my friends had steady boyfriends one got married but then she had to it was rumored. So I was nearly the last hold out. I had been going out with a Frank Freeborn who seemed nice and was the son of the local mill operator. His family ran the saw and gristmill along six mile creek. I often doubled dated with Nancy and Mary. I knew Nancy and Mary were having sex with their boy friends and they could not understand why I was not with Frank. But for me it was just fun, nothing serious at least so I thought. I mean I was not wearing his ring or anything though my girl friends told me he had not given it to any other girl. We did have a fun time together I remember the first time he kissed me. Wow! I could feel my nipples get as hard as rocks they were clearly visible even through my bra. It was so embarrassing. I could not wait for him to call again. He was like a drug I knew it was bad but the more of him I got the more I wanted. The intoxicating thing was he wanted me as much as I wanted him. But I had to be so careful I did not want him to know what I was what would he think? I tried very hard not to get involved with him sexually even though my body raging with estrogen craved attention. I would not let my self think about anything else except that he was someone loving and nurturing to me and I could love him back. From then on every day I would look forward to his coming because I could have an excuse to go places in his cool car. Such as the beach but that brought a problem I never anticipated. I felt confident to now about changing into my swimsuit in the same bathroom as Mary and Nancy. Since my breasts were very evident if some what small. But I forgot some thing I had brought over from Danny's past.

"Wow said Mary what happened to you sissy it looks like you have been beaten like a cur dog. Nancy, Mary called come here! Who did that to you?"

"My father I said tears coming to my eyes as I tried to cover up."

"Oh you poor thing no wonder you were put here with your aunt said Mary as she held me."

"I sat down and tried to hide my face. I found I could not stop weeping it was strangely out of my character."

"Look for what it is worth sissy I know how it feels, really look said Nancy."

She slipped her pants down reviling her bare derriere. I could see an ugly crisis cross of white scars covering her cheeks.

"Your father did that to you I asked?"

"Yes my original father before the son of a bitch took off and left mother. May he never be able to have an erection again."

We both laughed at that. She talked so brave but I knew in my heart she was on the verge of tears also so I put my arms around her and we cried.

The guys were wondering what happened to us why we were taking so long. But we ignored them. Frank found out soon enough but all he did was hold me close and whispered let me take the pain away. For me his arms holding me did take the pain away. He, I realized was the first man who had ever shown me love. Soon we were kissing regularly and doing more in the back seat of his car. I didn't even think about it anymore it just felt normal I did it in front of Nancy's and her boy friend. Frank would hold me and kiss for hours. My body seemed to respond to him independently of me now. The days went by in a flash and it was near the end of school and summer was starting when one night after a day of heavy petting he dropped me off at my home and he whispered he loved me and would make me his wife as he drove away. I stood silent in the road the dust swirling about my feet. I thought "oh you shit Sissy oh you stupid shit! What have you done?" I watched his car disappear into the night my heart hurt at his departure. "Stupid I am so stupid!" I was crying now I knew now I was desperately in love with him also. Oh god what am I going to do? This was not supposed to happen. I felt like screaming throwing up and crying all at the same time. I slipped into the house went up stares and threw myself on my bed. Oh god what am I to do now I wept and cried my self to sleep.

Aunt Pat found me on my bed and shook me Sissy what is the matter. I awoke with the worst cramps of my life. I looked at Aunt Pat and began to cry again. My emotions were totally out of control. I was getting more and more emotional as I grew older.

"Sissy stop crying and tell me what is wrong, Aunt Pat demanded!"

But I could not.

"Well, she asked is it got to do with Frank."

"I nodded with more tears I am so stupid Aunt Pat I blurted out!"

"Well, you can't be pregnant so that's not it. She said did he find out you are a boy?"

I shook my head no.

"Well, did he try to rape you?"

"No", I managed to get out.

"Well then did you have a fight? Is he breaking up with you?"

"No", I screamed as a spasm of cramps and tears hit me.

"Look Sissy this is silly tell me what happened demanded Aunt Pat."

"He told me he loves me more than anything in the world."

"Oh said Aunt Pat that would have been defiantly my next choice. Sissy she continued I don't understand, make me understand!"

"I can't love him Aunt Pat I can't he is in love with Sissy not me. He wants a woman to love, that's Sissy!"

"Dear god whispered auntie what have we have done."

"Look Sissy get out of that dress and into a nice night gown and we will go down to the kitchen and have some hot chocolate."

"It's the one thing I can make and we will talk about this."

"As I followed her down the stares Aunt Pat whispered to her self."

"Girls! Now I remember what was bad about bringing them up."

We talked long into the morning. Aunt Pat did make a good cup of cocoa I suspected she knew more about cooking than she let on. We decided it was time for my completion of the plastic surgery that was started the first summer here then at least having sex with a male would be no problem. Slowly my cramps went away. The cook was surprised to find us still there when she entered the kitchen at first light. She was about to make breakfast for the help she offered us the same but aunt Pat and I retired to our rooms. I was so thankful I had Aunt Pat. She was a comfort in a crisis. But I could not sleep on top of everything else the doctor had started me on a different regiment of hormones. She told me I could not spend the rest of my life on just estrogen my body needed a rest. So she decided I would take estrogen for three weeks and then for one week change my hormones to mimic a woman's shift of hormones when she had her period. It would be the same time aunt Pat had her period. The nurse came to gave me my weekly shot asked Aunt Pat when she was due. When she told us she was starting this week I tried to back out I was so confused with Frank I had my final exams to get through and on top of that I had a recital in the Elks hall. I didn't need to be on edge with my body changing speeds. But Aunt Pat and the nurse both smiled at me.

"How many times have I gone through that logic, except my body had my period anyway aunt Pat grinned?"

I had a sinking feeling as I watched the fluid go in me. I was told that I would defiantly have mood swings. Perhaps cramps and even water gain. Monday I woke up with all the symptoms. I felt like I was about to be stretched my nerves were tight. I came down to the living room to tell Aunt Pat how I felt. But one look at her and I knew it would be met by little sympathy.

"Well, she snapped how do you feel?"

"Like shit I said I feel like I am being pulled two ways."

"How about cramps Sissy?"

"I have never had cramps this bad before Aunt Pat."

"Oh good she said and smiled I thought I was the only one."

"Do I have to go through this? After all I am not really a woman yet I asked?"

"Well Sissy, said Aunt Pat even if it were not good for you I would insist on it.

"Why? All I have to do is go back to my old hormones"

"The doctor told you your body needs to rest just like all females and you have to continue to take estrogen for the rest of your life since your body does not produce any hormones on its own now male or female. Besides she laughed I am glad your now paying your dues for all the privileges of being able to live as a female and we also have a better understanding of each other if only so we could commiserate together once a month. Now go before you're late for school."

  

  

  

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