What A Girl Wants

by Jennifer White

 

Telling my secret to Cindy was perhaps the hardest things in the world which I ever had to do. Ever since I was a boy, I had loved to dress up in girl's clothes. Back then, I didn't know why. I just liked how it felt when I was in a skirt.

Later, as I grew up, I started to become interested in girls. But at the same time, I also liked to wear bras, and stuff the cups full, so it looked like I had boobs. I stole little things from my sister's rooms: a bottle of nailpolish, a pair of pantyhose, an old blouse which hadn't been worn for years, panties, jewelry...you name it. Of course, if they did notice something missing, they'd blame each other, and I would just smile to myself.

 

I was now in my twenties, and I had my own apartment. And my own collection of women's clothes. I had about a dozen different outfits, makeup, shoes, realistic breast forms, the works! I'd come home from work, change into one of my outfits, and spend the evening as a girl.

But then I met Cindy. I had always been interested in girls, and I had dated ever since highschool. But I couldn't say that I ever found my true love. It just never worked out. Until Cindy came into my life.

She was perfect in every way. She had long blonde hair, a body to die for, a great fashion sense, wonderful eyes, a smoky voice...everything you could ever want in a woman. Did I mention that she had DD boobs too?

But more than that, she was intelligent, kind, loving, sympathetic, fun-loving, and wild. Especially in the bedroom, where she was insatiable. Twice a day wasn't enough for her sometimes. I was in heaven.

As we grew closer, and more in love with each other, I knew that I was going to propose to her, and we'd be married. But I was terrified that she'd learn my secret one day, and dump me. Even as great as our relationship was, I would still dress up if we were apart for a night. It was part of me, and I needed it somehow.

I decided that there was only one thing I could do: I had to be honest with her, straight forward, and tell her the truth. As scary as it was to do it, I *had* to. And so one night, over at my house, I opened up and talked about my feminine side, which I had never confessed to anyone.

I had to admit, it felt good to get it off my chest. I was elated that Cindy didn't get scared away. She asked lots of questions, like was I interested in boys too, or just girls.

"I've never had an interest in boys" I said. "I used to have an interest in girls. But not anymore. There is only one girl in the world who I am interested in now. You."

She hugged me, we kissed, and that was that. The cat was out of the bag. Cindy knew my secret, but it didn't stop us from getting engaged. Now, five years later, we were happily married.

 

* * *

 

Both Cindy and I worked, so after a few years we were able to afford a down payment for a house in the suburbs, where we now live. It is an ideal, happy life together. We do everything together, we are in love, we are great in bed, and on top of all that, she lets me dress up.

Sometimes I do it if she's off with her friends or something. But she'll even participate! She'll help me dress up, teach me about makeup, then pretend that I'm a girlfriend who is visiting her! She treats me like a girl, and I just feel so knocked out when she does that for me.

 

I thought that everything between us was perfect, but one day I could tell that she was really upset. It was at just the wrong time of her cycle, where she got really grumpy and upset. And now, she wanted to take it out on me.

"What's the matter?" I said, trying to be sympathetic.

"You never listen to me!" she said.

The look on her face made it look like she had tears welling up in her eyes.

"What do you mean Cindy? I listen to you all the time."

"You hear the words, but you don't *listen*. What did I tell you about Friday next week?"

"I don't remember" I said, "but I told Paul that I'd go to the game with him. Remember, we talked about that yesterday."

"Yes" she countered, "but a few days before that, you promised me that we would go to dinner with Maggie and David. I know that they are my friends, but I still want to see them sometimes. You promised we'd go that day, then you forget, and plan to go see a stupid game with your friend. I feel hurt."

"Oh no!" I said. "I forgot! I am so sorry!"

"You always forget. Forget to listen. I swear that I'm talking to a wall sometimes. You nod your head and say something, but it just doesn't register with you. I don't understand why you don't listen to me. You're a typical man."

 

Now *that* really hurt me. I liked to think of myself as a man on the outside, but a woman on the inside. Calling me a typical man was just about the worst insult she could have hurled at me.

"I am *not* a typical man!" I said defensively. "You of all people should know that. I know what it's like to wear a skirt. I know what it's like to be a woman."

"Oh no you don't!" she said, now really upset at me. "You know *nothing* about what it feels like. You don't even think like a woman does. You're just focused on all of the little frivolous external things. You are into dresses, bras, makeup and such. But those don't make you a woman! Its what you have in your heart, how you *feel*, your thoughts, your innermost self. You are a man, and you don't even realize it."

Now *I* was on the verge of tears.

"Please Cindy, you're really killing me by saying that. I don't want to be a typical male. I want to be perfect for you. Please help me. Teach me. Show me how a woman really thinks, so I can think that way. I want to communicate with you. I want to be close to you. Help me to think like a woman."

"I'll consider it" she said, getting up to leave me alone. I felt crushed. It was our first real fight, and I came out way down on the losing end.

 

* * *

 

I called my buddy Paul, and told him I couldn't go to the game. I made dinner reservations for 4 at a nice restaurant. Then I bought a dozen roses and a nice card. I gave Cindy the flowers, the card, told her how sorry I was again, told her about the reservations. She didn't seem impressed at all, which baffled me. Maybe I *didn't* understand women as much as I thought I did.

 

When that Friday finally came around, I told her that we had better go get dressed up for dinner.

"It's a four star place, so we should wear something formal" I said.

"We're not going" she replied.

"But we have a reservation. What about Maggie and David?" I asked.

"I told them we couldn't make it tonight."

"So it's just us two?"

"No. We're not going out. We're staying home."

"Okay...." I said. "So, what do you want to do?"

"I am going to make you think like a girl" she said. Her tone of voice was firm. Not happy. Not upset. Just firm, like talking to a child.

"I'm ready" I said, feeling excited now. "What do you want me to do?"

"Go get dressed up" she said.

"All right" I replied. I was already hard, as I went to the guest bedroom where I kept my girlish things, and I began my process of transformation. I put on my breast forms, my padded panties, my girdle, and my pantyhose. Then I picked out a nice skirt, a sexy top, and put those on. Now it was time for my makeup, which I was pretty good at by now!

Once my eyes were looking lush and sexy, my mouth pouty (with glossy lips), my cheeks rosy and red, I was ready for the finishing touches. Earrings, a necklace, bracelets, rings, perfume, and of course, a pair of nice sexy heels.

I put on my wig, and walked out to meet Cindy.

"Take that wig off" she said.

I didn't like how I looked without it, so I was reluctant to do it. But I wanted to please her, so I took it off.

"Now put this one on" she said, handing me a blonde wig. I put it on, and looked at myself in the mirror. It was actually pretty hot looking, and I was pleased with it.

"Thank you" I said. "It looks really good on me."

"I'm glad you think so" she replied.

I felt something funny though; there was a slight tingling feeling in my scalp. I reached up so that I could take it off for a moment and see what was causing the itch.

"No! Don't touch it" ordered Cindy, in a very stern voice. I stopped in mid-motion.

"Okay" I said. "I'll leave it on. It looks very pretty. Now please tell me what your plan is. You said that you're going to teach me how a real woman thinks and feels."

"That's right" she said. "Your mind will be greatly expanded today."

"That sounds good. What are we going to do? I'm excited to learn."

"Oh you'll learn all right" she said.

The tingling on my scalp was quite a bit more intense now, and it was driving me crazy. I wanted to pull the wig off. Something felt very uncomfortable about it suddenly, and I had a strange feeling between my legs for some reason. Kind of like the feeling you get when you're really frustrated, and you find yourself in a completely powerless position. Like you *want* to get angry, but you can't.

"What's going on?" I said. "I don't feel right."

"Just hang on a few more minutes" said Cindy. "It's starting."

"What's starting?" I replied.

"The education of your mind" she said.

 

Now I was hit with an overwhelming urge to get the wig off of my head. I had a terrible feeling that something was very wrong, and it had to do with the wig. I needed to get rid of it!

I reached up, and grabbed the long hair so that I could pull it off. But when I did that, it felt like I was pulling a handful of my own hair, instead of pulling off the wig.

"Ow!" I said. "What's going on here?"

I tried again to pull it off, but it hurt! The hair felt like it was part of my head, and I couldn't remove it! I was starting to panic now. This wasn't right. This was impossible! What was happening?

 

"The wig has fused with your head" said Cindy. "It puts down roots, which are working their way inside your skull. Soon, they will start connecting up with your brain."

"My brain?" I said.

"Yes" she replied. "And then they will start to override your normal thought patterns, and begin to reprogram you."

"Reprogram me???!!!!" I said.

"Yes my love. They will begin to retrain your mind to think like that of a woman."

"I don't believe you" I said.

"Oh, you will soon dear. Let me demonstrate. One of the first things that was done to your mind should be complete by now."

"And what was that?" I asked.

"You have been reconfigured, so that you cannot disobey me. You will do anything I tell you, no matter what it is."

"Cindy, I've had enough of this game. I don't feel well. Please, stop this."

"This is no game. This is real. Now let me prove it to you. Lets start with your name. Since you're a girl now, I think that I will call you Claudia. Yes, that's your name now. You are Claudia. Now tell me your name."

I wasn't going to let her try and control me like this! My name wasn't Claudia. That was a girl's name. I would show her how upset I was by ignoring her order, and telling her who I really was.

"My name is *Claudia*, honey" I said.

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I gasped. No! She had really controlled me, and controlled my mind! It was such a terrible feeling, to be under someone else's control! To feel so weak that you couldn't even say your own name! I became really scared. What was she going to do to me?

"Please Cindy, please stop this. Whatever I did wrong, I promise I'll never do again. Please!"

"Oh Claudia, you're such a silly girl. I'm not going to stop it. I'm going to let the process continue, until your mind is complete female. Then we won't have any more of these little communication problems. Now grab your purse we're going out."

"Out?" I said.

"Yes Claudia. We're going to the mall."

I had *never* gone out of the house when I was dressed up. I didn't even like to leave my bedroom when I was in women's clothes. But now, she wanted me to go outside the house. This was perhaps the worst possible thing she could ask of me.

"I can't go out like this!!!" I said.

"Claudia, you are coming with me to the mall. Now!"

I planted me feet, to keep them still. But against my will, my left foot started to twitch. Then it lifted up a little, moved forward, and returned into contact with the floor. Then my right foot started to move.

Imagine that your feet weighted 10,000 pounds, and you couldn't move them. Imagine how helpless you would feel. Now imagine the opposite, that you try with all your might to make your feet *not* move, but they had a mind of their own now, and they insisted on walking to somewhere you didn't want to go!

With each step, the next step I took became more confident, and sure. Whereas I was able to prevent the first steps from being more than a little lurching movement forward, now I was walking in full stride. I had no control over it, and I could not stop myself.

I got into the car with Cindy, and she started to drive us to the mall.

"Now I bet your wondering what else is going on inside your pretty little head at the moment" she said.

I nodded in response.

"In essence, your brain is currently being rewired. Soon, it will work exactly the way a woman's brain does. Here's an example. When you, as a man, see a baby, you are kind of revolted. You think they are messy smelly things that keep you up all night, and you don't want to bother with one of them. You think they are ugly. You want nothing to do with them."

"I guess so" I said, but she did pretty much have it nailed.

"When you see a baby next time though, you are going to now have maternal instincts. You are going to think that the baby is *so* cute, that you want to hold it in your arms, you want to kiss it, and you will wish that you had a baby of your own, suckling at your breast."

"Ew!" I said.

"It is true Claudia. I bet we'll see baby at the mall. And when we do, you tell me what you feel inside."

I looked down at the floor. This was bad. People were going to see me in a skirt. How could I be out in public like this?

"What's the matter, upset about being in public dressed like a girl?" said Cindy.

"Yes" I replied in a glum, monotone voice.

"Soon my darling, your inner thoughts will be that of a woman. And as a woman, you won't at all feel uncomfortable dressed like that in public. As a matter of fact, you would feel strange if you *weren't* dressed up in women's clothes. When you think like a woman, you will begin to think of yourself *as* a woman."

I was so upset, that I started to sniffle, and cry a few tears.

"Aw, crying like a woman already. I guess your mind is a lot further along in its feminization than I thought. But then of course, you were always a sissy-boy at heart, weren't you? You never admitted it to me, but I bet that secretly, you wanted to date men. But don't worry, once you're a complete woman, that is what you will want to do."

"No!" I said. "Never!"

"Oh but Claudia, that is what a girl wants! She wants to be with a man. Not some weak sissy who wishes he was a woman. I girl needs a *real* man. That is why I've set us up to meet a couple of cute guys after we're done shopping. By then, your mind will be completely feminine, and you will *want* to go out on a date with them."

"Please stop!" I said.

"And since my date is a *real* man, I'll take him home, and he'll make love to me all night long. You never could satisfy me with your pathetic little excuse for a penis. But when I have a man who is well endowed, that will be a different story. I'm sure you'll want a man like that for yourself too."

I was in total shock as she said all this. She didn't want me anymore? I wasn't a real man, even before she did this to me? I never satisfied her? She was going to make me date a man? All of this and more poured at me at once, and I was completely crushed emotionally. I was just devastated.

I became almost numb as I felt myself slipping into a blackness, as my world crumbled around me. And as that happened, and I become so wrapped up in my current situation, I suddenly felt something new inside. A change. Something changed in me, and I could feel it!

I couldn't yet put my finger on what it was, but somehow, I knew that something major had shifted inside of me. I could almost feel the little roots coming from the wig wrapping themselves around and into my mind, twisting me, changing me, breaking the paths my synapses fired along, and creating new paths in their place.

I could now *feel* as it started to reshape my mind. One of the first things I noticed as a result, was when I looked down and saw my chest. It looked like I had boobs, but that was because I had breast forms in my bra. But at that moment, as I looked down, I felt an inner yearning. A desire. A wish. More than anything, I really wanted to have *real* breasts filling out my bra.

I had never felt that before! In the past, I had only wanted it to *look* like I had boobs. But now, that all changed. I wanted boobs! On me! I glanced over to Cindy, and felt *jealous*. She was so lucky that she was stacked. I was so flat chested, that I felt completely inadequate as a woman, compared to her.

As a woman! I had just though of myself as a woman! It had just been for a moment, but it was something I had never done before in all my life.

"I am a woman" I whispered, as Cindy continued to drive the car.

A woman! I was a woman! Suddenly, it all seemed so clear. I *was* a woman. How could I have been so silly to ever think of myself otherwise? But of course, that was when I just thought. Now, I could think and *feel*. It was like I was experiencing feelings for the first time. True feelings. My new emotions swept over me, and I wanted to laugh, cry, yell, smile, faint, giggle and do all of them at the same time. My mouth was open in awe of what I felt, and I had to touch myself on my face to feel that I was still me.

It had happened, just like Cindy had predicted: somehow, I was a woman on the inside now, and I *knew* it. I looked over at her, and she wasn't a sex object to me anymore. She was the best friend in the entire world, my soul mate. I looked at her like my big sister, my role model, my everything. She was everything to me in fact, except an object of desire. I wanted to be just like her. But how could I be *with* her? We were both girls. That didn't seem right.

You can imagine how confused and upset I was! She had done this too me, and changed my very soul. I didn't want to dress as a woman because it turned me on anymore; I wanted to dress as a woman because I really believed in my soul that I *was* a woman. I was just trapped in the wrong body.

Cindy pulled up to a store in the strip mall. It was one that specialized in baby clothes, toys, and accessories.

"Come on Claudia, we're going in" she said.

Without hesitation, I got out of the car, and followed her into the store. Me, dressed up as a girl, and I just walked into the store like it was no problem! We got inside, and of course there were lots of parents there with their little babies and children. The first thing we ran into was a mother who was shopping, with her little baby being pushed along in a carriage.

"Aw!!!!" I said. "She's so cute! Look at those little clothes!"

"What are you feeling Claudia?" said Cindy.

"I want to hold her! I want to take her home, dress her up, I want to feed her, I want to....oh Cindy, I want a baby so much!"

"See?" she said. "Your maternal instincts are building, now that you are a woman on the inside. Now you want to care for and nurture a baby, don't you?"

"Oh yes" I said. "More than anything in the world."

"Come on Claudia, we have some shopping to do."

I helped Cindy select some items from the store. She bought a crib, baby bottles, several baby outfits, toys, and other things you need when you have a little one. She paid for it, and we got back in the car.

"Where are we going? The mall is that way" I said.

"We're going home" she replied.

"Aw, I wanted to go shopping and get a new outfit" I whined.

"There will be plenty of time for that later Claudia" she said. "But we need to get home now. I have a surprise for you."

"And what about our dates? I thought I was going to get to meet that guy you were talking about."

"Don't worry" she said. "I just told you that so you'd go out with me."

"Aw..." I said, disappointed.

I wondered what in the world it could be. I was anxious as we got back home, and we unloaded all of the baby things.

"Who are these for?" I asked.

"Have a seat Claudia. Let me tell you the surprise, and then you'll understand."

"Okay" I said, sitting down and crossing my legs.

"Claudia, I bought these things because we are going to need them. I'm pregnant."

Cindy was pregnant? I was so excited! I was so happy that I clapped my hands together, and clutched them to my chest. I felt like crying, I was so happy! I ran over to Cindy, and hugged her.

"We're going to have a baby!" I said.

"Yes Claudia. We are. A baby. That's why we just bought these things. We are going to turn the spare bedroom into a nursery, and we are going to have a baby of our own to raise. You are going to quit your job, so that you can be a stay at home mother, while *I* go out and work. Now that you have such a strong nesting instinct, and such an overwhelming maternal drive, you'll be the ideal mother to raise the baby."

I was going to have to quit my job, and devote all my life to raising our baby, while Cindy went back to the office? I was stunned. How *wonderful* of an idea! I would *get* to raise the baby! Again, the tears started flowing. This was the best day in my life!

"Oh Cindy, you've made me so happy!" I said. "I want to raise our daughter. I'll dress her, clean her, brush her hair, teach her to walk, read books to her, love her, feed her, care for her....I just can't wait! Today is the best day in all of my life!"

Cindy came over and hugged me.

"Now Claudia, remember how I showed you before that I had full control over you, and I could make you do anything I wanted?"

"Yes" I replied. "I remember."

"Good. I have some orders for you, and you have no choice but to obey them. Are you ready?"

"Yes" I said.

"Good. And do you remember how we talked about how things like dresses, bras, panties and such don't really make you a woman? It's what's inside of you that does that?"

"I remember" I said. "And I really understand now."

"Good" she replied. "Now listen closely. Here is what you will do. When I am done talking to you, you will get out of your women's clothes, and dress as a man. You will never dress up as a woman again, unless I order you to do it."

"You will look to all the world like a man, but inside, you are a woman. Your true name is Claudia, but your friends and family will still call you by your old male name. Only you and I know that you are truly a woman on the inside, where it really counts."

"You will stay home, and raise our baby, as we discussed, and you will love it because it will let you fulfill your feminine needs and maternal instincts. You will act as a man in public, but at home, you will be a woman, even though you dress up in men's clothes."

"Your life will be raising our baby, cooking, cleaning, doing the woman's work of the household. But you will love doing it, because then you're doing what a woman does, and nothing makes you happier."

"Since you are female inside now, and you no longer have any interest in making love to me, you will not object when I fulfill my sexual needs by going out with other men, so that I can make love with them. In fact, you will encourage me to date other men, so that I can get pregnant again, and have more babies. Even though other men will be the father, you will raise them as if they were your own."

"That is your life now Claudia, and you have no choice but to do as I say. Tell me you understand, and that you will obey."

"I understand" I said. "I will obey."

 

I went to undress, and put on some man-clothes. What Cindy asked me to do all made sense to me, really. First of all, if we were going to turn the spare bedroom into a nursery, I'd have to get rid of all my girl's clothes anyway. And her job was better than mine, so it only made sense that she would work, while I would stay home.

And how could I fault her for wanting a man to make love to? I wasn't a man, I was a woman. I had no interest in going to bed with her. Even if I could somehow make my body feel aroused, the equipment I had between my legs wasn't ever enough to satisfy her anyway, so what good was it? Maybe I'd get it removed. I'd feel a lot better about myself if I could do that. Maybe she'd let me do that one day.

What she wanted made so much sense to me! I felt sad as I put on the man-clothes, but now I knew that it didn't matter what I wore. I was a woman whether I had on nothing, a dress, a skirt, or a man's outfit. It was just some garments to keep my body warm. It was what I had inside that counted. And there, I was all woman.

I took off the last of my makeup, and I discovered that my wig could be removed now. I put it in the bag with the things which I would never wear again. I had more important things to do, like preparing for our baby.

 

 

* * *

 

Today, I consider myself one of the luckiest women on earth. Cindy has given birth to one son, and three daughters, and I am *so* happy that I have had the privilege of raising them. I don't mind that she goes out on Fridays with one boyfriend or the other; it lets me stay home and raise our children.

My only regret is that with this body I have, I'll never be able to get pregnant. Cindy told me that after the children had grown up and moved on out of the house, I could get that boob job I had been asking for. At least she let me have the operation to remove that terrible *thing* I used to have between my legs.

Who knows, maybe one day she'll let me start to dress up in pretty frilly things again. I would love that! But I can't complain. Like I said, I'm one of the luckiest women on earth.

 

The End

  

  

  

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